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Thursday Thirteen #90: My Thirteen Superpowers

April 25th, 2007

Hello 13ers,

Do you think it’s a quincidence that Vicki Phillips, much-disliked superintendent of Portland Public Schools, would resign on the same day she gets the letter Hockey God and I sent her, demanding that the district change their slacker, inadequate lice policy?

Do you? Yeah, me neither. People, that is no coincidence. That is my superpowers at work.

My Thirteen Superpowers, by Wacky Mommy

1. I got Vicki Phillips to resign with just one letter.

2. My ability to be patient with my children, even when they’re playing “Butt Ball.” (It involves one person bouncing on a whoopee cushion while the other person tries to push them off. Wacky Boy: “IT’S LIKE GOLF, ONLY YOU PLAY IT WITH YOUR BUTT!”
Wacky Girl: “PUSH THAT BALL WITH YOUR BOOTY.”

3. I have eyes in the back of my head. With them, I can do many things. Just ask my kids.

4. I saw Hockey God, my future husband, sitting on his front porch, drinking a beer, and thought: i will marry him someday. And I did.

5. My ability to fix dinner, do the dishes, answer the phone, answer the front door, do laundry, feed the cats and give them their medicine all at the same time.

6. When I was 19 and living with my best girlfriend, she had some wild boys over and I told, “Eh, that one is bad.” Turned out he was an escaped convict from the Rocky Butte Jail. (No lie!)

7. I can tell when my mom is lying when she says, “Yes, I read your blog all the time.” She never reads it! Mom, read this blog, dammit.

8. Once I knew that the car I was in was going to crash. No, I was not driving, smartass. I not only knew that it was going to crash, I knew that we would be going down a steep hill, out of control, with no brakes. Hours later, this premonition came true. Strange, no? I was able to keep my head and all was fine. (After this, I listened to the premonitions.)

9. I have mad homeschool teacher skilz (See Item 2, above).

10. I can make you forget all your troubles with just one visit to my site.

11. I can make you itch with just one more visit to my site.

12. I can sleep 12 hours at a stretch. Well, I could if I didn’t have to feed children.

13. I can come up with a list of thirteen things at the drop of a hat.

Have a superfine week, everyone.

WM

18 Comments

  1. Vader's Mom says

    #10 is so true and #2 caused it!!! :)

    April 25th, 2007 | #

  2. -- a metamorphoself of gabrielle says

    Thursday Thirteen: Pretzel

    Happy Pretzel Day!

    Soft Pretzel
    Hot Buttered Pretzel
    Cinnamon-Raisin Soft Pretzel
    Out of the Ballpark! Pretzel
    Mustard Garlic Pretzel
    Asiago and Cheddar Soft Pretzels
    Easy Soft Pretzels
    Crispy Pretzel Bars
    Chocolate Pretzels
    Vanilla Covered …

    April 25th, 2007 | #

  3. Jen says

    OMG- I went back and read the post about your daughter returning to school for one day and the results. You must really have super human powers to prevent yourself from going back to school and bringing back the bugs to the principal. I would have left them in her office on the back of her chair.
    Mom’s do have eyes in the back of their heads, it has something to do with the whole birthing process. Super list this week.

    April 25th, 2007 | #

  4. Janet says

    ROFLMAO! Another T13 that made me laugh, thanks!

    April 25th, 2007 | #

  5. L-Squared says

    LOL! Wow, that’s quite an impressive list. I wish I had a few of those superpowers. :-)

    April 25th, 2007 | #

  6. Mallory says

    You must take a pledge to only use your powers for good and not evil! Oh, and would you mind manifesting me a great apartment with all the amenities I want and cheap rent that will take a big furry Hazel dog? Please and thank you.

    April 25th, 2007 | #

  7. Dewey says

    14. The wondrousness of your list compelled me, a first time visitor, to click every single one of your ads!

    April 26th, 2007 | #

  8. Ash says

    Super mommy!
    (You just made me feel like a failure!)
    LOL.
    Happy TTIng.

    April 26th, 2007 | #

  9. Amie STuart says

    OMG! Those are a riot….Esp #5 which is of course so true!

    April 26th, 2007 | #

  10. KC says

    LOL.. those are some super cool powers you have there.
    Great TT
    I played also.

    April 26th, 2007 | #

  11. Jennifer of Dog.Yarn.Knit. says

    your list is great!

    April 26th, 2007 | #

  12. calyn says

    I can’t wait to hear more on #9. Your lists always make me smile.
    Once heard this: the four U.S. presidents immortalized with a stone carving had very different lives, different politics, and different challenges. All were schooled at home.
    happy TT to you.

    April 26th, 2007 | #

  13. Terrible Mother says

    I love this list, and I think you do have mad homskool skillz. You cope better than anyone I know, sister. And, also, butt ball sounds AWESOME.

    Also, (and yes, I will keep saying “also”) moving to PDX, Land of Lice, sounds not so good. I’m thinking the patcholi smelling hippies here are much easier to take.

    April 26th, 2007 | #

  14. sunny says

    don’t all mom’s have superpowers? great post. I love your header picture and blog colors.

    April 26th, 2007 | #

  15. David says

    Gee, the only one of your powers I can duplicate is #13…

    :-)

    April 26th, 2007 | #

  16. moi says

    I too have superpowers. I tried voodoo. The negativity of poking that Vicki doll with pins didn’t manifest any results. So I switched to my chant and prayed for her true happiness, for her to find the job of her dreams, away from Portland. (Didn’t get her far enough away…dammit). Within days, voila! She had announced her resignation. Now, this is not the first time I have had such results. I did the same thing with an alcoholic boss back in the 70’s. She used to throw things at me. One morning I had just had enough..so I prayed for her happiness,,,,and she came into work and QUIT! YAY! Another witch bites the dust.

    April 27th, 2007 | #

  17. Jenny says

    LOL that’s awesome.

    April 27th, 2007 | #

  18. Worker Mommy says

    Hi Wacky Mommy – its Worker Mommy I saw your comments over on RSM’s site and thought I would pop in to say Hello!
    Our blog psuedonyms are kinda similar, aren’t they ? I think I’ll post lots of comments on your site to thourougly confuse you. Only kidding –
    I’ll be back to check out your archives soon :)

    April 27th, 2007 | #

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