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Thursday Thirteen #110: Thirteen Reasons You Should Show People Your Breasts

September 12th, 2007

Hey Thirteeners and Usual Suspects,

Will you show me your breasts? Pretty please? C’mon. I just want to see them for a second. Hey! There ya go! Excellent.

Now I’ll show you mine — whooooooo! See how much fun that was? This week, I’m giving you Thirteen Reasons You Should Show People Your Breasts…

by Wacky Mommy, Inc.

13. I’ve been spending a lot of time with my somewhat out-of-hand friend. One of the mommies from school. Let’s call her Little Miss Honey Butt, because that’s her name. OK, it’s not. But it should be. ‘Cause her butt? Oh, honey. She really, really likes to flash the ta-ta’s around. Granted, she’s nursing, but the kid is, I dunno, four or something now? I’m kidding, she’s only 3. Ha! Gotcha! She’s actually 18 months or so. I lose track. Well, since the baby has gotten bigger, she likes to nurse sitting on mom’s lap, facing her. She also likes to do that simultaneously adorable and annoying thing that babies do (both mine did this, too) where they nurse on one side and stroke the other side. Comfort and joy, who can’t relate? But as a nursing mother I was like, damn, baby, it’s not bad enough we’re flashing one side — you want both of them on display? Babies think this is a fun game and everyone should join in.

12. Babies are right. Boobs are a lot of fun. At first I was thinking, Miss Honey Butt, how many times are you going to show my husband your tits? (We spend a fair amount of time together, our two families, at school and play). Then Hockey God, excuse me, Steve, grouses, “You keep talking about her tits, but I’ve never seen ‘em” and I’m all, “How can you miss them?” and I’m thinking, “I hate her and her nice tits.” (Not for real hate, just a little jealousy bitchy thing.) (My tits are very nice, in their own right, in case you were wondering.) (Her husband? The man is just so mellow. He’s like, eh, there she goes with the tits again. I love that girl.)

11. Boobs can be a show-stopper.

10. A traffic-stopper.

9. A mood-lightener.

8. A real pick-me-up, even when they’re not all that perky. I mean, think about it…

7. Someone yells, “Show me your tits!” and you just raise your shirt, flash ‘em, and go on your way. That’s stunning in its simplicity.

6. Everyone’s running around competing with each other, being catty with each other (women) being curious and dogs (men). Wearing their boob shirts, their decolletage calling out all woo-hoo, here I am! Think of it — you just cut to the chase. “Hi, here are my boobs. Now you know what’s under my sweater.” In a job interview? Someone’s staring at your tits and not listening to your answers to their questions? Flash! All good.

Johnny Cash: “I like to watch you talk.”
June Carter: “I’m talking with my mouth; it’s way up here!”

5. For women who have gone through breast cancer, I think this could be a real empowering thing. Cuz you know — you’ve gone through chemo, maybe radiation, everyone’s wondering, “Did they take one? Both? Was it just a lumpectomy? I can’t remember what Mabel told me. Did she get reconstruction? Is she wearing those jelly-boobs?” And they can’t even concentrate on what you’re saying, because they’re so preoccupied. Show them what you look like. Smile. Move along.

4. Boobs make babies happy. There’s a reason for that.

3. Men get to go around with no shirts — why shouldn’t we?

2. I realize that although showing your tits is not illegal in Oregon (thank you, liberal hippy state! Here, I’m lifting my shirt to you! In Oregon we like to be nekkid) in some states and countries this sort of behavior is illegal. Well, forget that! Let’s make some new rules! Women need to nurse, have some fun, throw the neighbors off their game. I have often been tempted to show the neighbor my boobs. You know why? Just because.

1. Breasts are beautiful.

Happy Thursday to you and yours,

WM

(Edited on Thursday to say — boy. When you use the word “breasts” and “nekkid” and “naked” about 40 times in a blog, you really get the junk mail. Dang.) (PS — Little Miss Honey Butt is fond of her new nickname.)

(Edited later on Thursday to say — I had the perfect chance to flash the neighbor today and missed it. She walks out her door, halts to stare me down, jangles her keys at me, keeps staring, goes to get in her car. Why couldn’t I flash her? I was holding two bags and the recycling bin. She caught me off guard. Dammit. Better luck next time.)

20 Comments

  1. Steve says

    Hey, I like breasts. I’m all for seeing more of them.

    September 12th, 2007 | #

  2. Damozel (Buck Naked Politics) says

    Are men interested in nursing-mommy breasts? Color me surprised. I don’t really have any experience of that sort.

    September 12th, 2007 | #

  3. Damozel (Buck Naked Politics) says

    PS. I learn something every week from T 13!

    In my day (not that long ago, but still), women didn’t nurse in public.

    September 12th, 2007 | #

  4. WackyMommy says

    Damozel,
    It has been my experience that most men, and many women, are interested in all sorts of breasts.

    September 12th, 2007 | #

  5. Gloria says

    Oh yeah, here you go *flash*. I’m proud of my boobies, having a reputation for it in high school, carried it on to college. I was beaten by so many other fantastic boobs in Uni but nevermind, after so much glory I’m happy to rest and milk it (har har) for all it’s worth.

    September 13th, 2007 | #

  6. Pat J says

    A mood-lightener, eh? Yeah, I could agree with that…

    Mine’s here

    September 13th, 2007 | #

  7. No Nonsense girl says

    Great TT! Visit me !

    September 13th, 2007 | #

  8. Sniz says

    I love your sense of humor, although I think there was a little truth to most of your entries!! :-) When I was nursing was the only time I had big boobs, so I can’t relate to Honey Butt! Happy TT! This was a really original idea and I hope you do flash your neighbor and that her son is with her as well!

    September 13th, 2007 | #

  9. Marcia says

    You are one wacky mommy:>

    September 13th, 2007 | #

  10. Vixen says

    Hmmm, I am a supporter of public breastfeeding; but I know a lot of poeple’s who boobs I would not like to be flashed by.

    September 13th, 2007 | #

  11. Dear Diary › 13 books I have abandoned says

    [...] Wacky Mommy makes me blush [...]

    September 13th, 2007 | #

  12. Nicholas says

    In Europe we pretty much are blase about seeing breasts in newspapers, TV etc. Transatlantic anti-nudity hysteria utterly bemuses us. It’s hard to get behind the idea that young people are damaged or tramatised by seeing breasts. And may I say: yay Oregon!

    September 13th, 2007 | #

  13. Jenny says

    My dad, the lovable yankee asked me if my son would still be nursing when he got to high school. It wasn’t the nursing so much as the 8 month old lifting up my shirt….

    If you got em, flaunt em. Mine are barely there now…

    September 13th, 2007 | #

  14. Vixen says

    WM, I saw your post about the big “K” and I remember how hard and deeply I cried when my boy started K….sry to make you even sadder.

    September 13th, 2007 | #

  15. Mallory says

    Damozel, I had the nicest ta-tas of my life when I was nursing. It was magical–like the boobie fairy had visited me in the night and left me with a wonderous power to beguile both men and babies. Wonder-twin powers, activate!

    September 13th, 2007 | #

  16. megs says

    what is up with Nasty Neighbor? She sounds very unhappy!

    September 15th, 2007 | #

  17. WackyMommy says

    She’s had her a hard life, the Nasty Neighbor, and wants everyone else to pay for it.

    September 15th, 2007 | #

  18. marcia says

    I am sorry for Nasty Neighbor…Perhaps one of my favorite bands ..Holy Modal Rounders… would cheer her up with their song…Boobs A lot..Steve Weber wrote it…he was also in the FUGS…Here is the first part of the song…Song Lyrics:
    Do you like boobs a lot?
    (Yes, I like boobs a lot.)
    Boobs a lot, boobs a lot.
    (You gotta like boobs a lot.)
    Really like boobs a lot.
    (You gotta like boobs a lot.)
    Boobs a lot, boobs a lot.
    (You gotta like boobs a lot.)

    Down in the locker room,
    Just we boys,
    Beatin’ down the locker room
    With all that noise,

    Singin’ do you like boobs a lot?
    (You gotta like boobs a lot.)
    Boobs a lot, boobs a lot.
    (You gotta like boobs a lot.)
    And here is a tribute video if you would like a listen to the song….It is much better when the Rounders do it. Catch them when they’re in town the next time…(minus Weber..who has had a falling out with the rest of the band)
    http://youtube.com/watch?v=xQy6dtHUkCQ

    September 16th, 2007 | #

  19. marcia says

    I posted, but somehow….i lost it..?? I wanted to share my favorite boob song…Boobs A lot…by one of my favorite bands..The holy modal rounders….(two of their members play at church at Laurelthirst on sundays…with FMR…Freak Mountain Ramblers.) Steve Weber, who also was with the Fugs..wrote this song…Share it with Nasty Neighbor, maybe it will cheer her up….
    Song Lyrics:
    Do you like boobs a lot?
    (Yes, I like boobs a lot.)
    Boobs a lot, boobs a lot.
    (You gotta like boobs a lot.)
    Really like boobs a lot.
    (You gotta like boobs a lot.)
    Boobs a lot, boobs a lot.
    (You gotta like boobs a lot.)

    Down in the locker room,
    Just we boys,
    Beatin’ down the locker room
    With all that noise,

    Singin’ do you like boobs a lot?
    (You gotta like boobs a lot.)
    Boobs a lot, boobs a lot.
    (You gotta like boobs a lot.)

    Tribute video….I must warn you…the Rounders do it much better…catch them when they are in town next time…They were here in August…minus Weber who is ensconced on the east coast…and never to return again.

    http://youtube.com/watch?v=xQy6dtHUkCQ

    Rounder version: no video
    http://www.emusic.com/album/Th.....89383.html

    and

    http://youtube.com/watch?v=KOI.....038;search=

    September 16th, 2007 | #

  20. LouLou says

    Forgive me for being 11 days past “13 breasts” from the 12th, but I have a relevant story from this evening. There I was in Michael’s wearily looking for puffy paint at 8:45pm on a Sat. night, when I overheard young teen girl A pining for a solution from young teen girl B on how to secure a gold and black boa to her torso so it would cover her breasts. I fell silent, kept still and pretended to still be looking for puffy paint. FYI – my attention grew because, “who doesn’t love hearing breast-talk” not for any “unclean” reasons; but that’s obvious from the number and content of comments so far. Where were we? …Practicality was lacking bigtime with this teen boa duo and they quickly moved towards whining making me want to turn and offer, “couldn’t you simply safety pin it to a black tube top?”, yet something stopped me. “Why so quick to buttinsky?”, I wondered, and remembered my years of working with HS youth and the dramas that surrounded every aspect of their existence. Maybe they need to work through this process together as a couple, maybe this is a test of their communication and reason skills, maybe they’re aspiring fashion designers and are working out a pattern. …And if a little boob gets flashed in the process, well, I certainly wouldn’t mind.

    September 23rd, 2007 | #

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