One day, long, long ago, there lived a woman who did not whine, nag, or bitch.
But it was a long time ago, and it was just that one day.
(That was courtesy of Zip.)
Listen, my friends, if you are still out there, that is? Are you there? ?Si o no? It was a rough day today. It has been a rough few months, I think you have probably already figured this out. I cannot give details. But I will tell you this… I am lucky to have you, and I am blessed to still have my grandma. How many of us can say this, once we hit our forties?
I am 44, my grandma is 88. I called her on our last birthdays (they’re a week apart) and told her, You are double my age! She thought that was hiiiiii-larious. I love my granny for a lot of reasons, but the number one reason is 1) she will always talk about my cousin with me, when I am missing him and the second reason I love her so is 2) she’s zany.
It is tough seeing her down and not feeling well and not hardly zany at all. I am not feeling very zany, either. I cry all the time now, from stress, from my grandma being sick, from this flu/cold thing that won’t leave. Because right now everything makes sense and nothing makes sense.
It looks like my family leave will be approved (for 12 weeks, unpaid except for the first bit of it), and that’s about the only good thing I can say for today. Not true — L took me out for lunch. We had soup and lattes. And she gave me two books! (Nothing says “love” to a librarian like books.) I fixed manicotti and broccoli for dinner, that was good. I mean — fake it til you make it with this motherhood thing, eh? The kids worked on homework and piano and they worked extra hard on “being kids” which is where they shine the brightest. Now I’m going to watch Jeopardy with my husband and try to not be distracted.
I have a couple of little projects I’m working on. I’m also working on the big project of finishing my Grandma’s cookbook that I started way back when — it’s almost ready for production (ie — Hockey God will take over).
Mom and I went out to see Grandma today — she was sick all morning, after having an okay day yesterday. She slept most of the afternoon. That is good, she needs her rest. And when she’s sleeping, she’s not throwing up. The nausea is doing her in. (The doctors are trying to figure it out — I’m blaming the Ativan, which is supposed to help with nausea but sometimes has the opposite effect.)
I have never seen my Grandma sleep. Ever. She goes, goes, goes. She looked just like an angel, and that was too intense because… I’m not ready for her to be an angel. I want her to keep on being wild and out-of-control and stirring up trouble.
It never occurred to me until today that my Grandma might stop being wild someday.
Please keep sending her good thoughts, would you? I don’t want her to be hurting. I don’t know when we’ll feel zany around here again, but it will be a long while, is my guess.