“My island was now peopled, and I thought myself very rich in subjects; and it was a merry reflection, which I frequently made, how like a king I looked. First of all, the whole country was my own mere property, so that I had an undoubted right of dominion. Secondly, my people were perfectly subjected. I was absolute lord and lawgiver, they all owed their lives to me, and were ready to lay down their lives, if there had been occasion of it, for me.” — “Robinson Crusoe,” Daniel Defoe
We left North Portland for a lot of reasons. Too many white people moving in; too many urban chicken people; too many Urban Mamas (yeah i found that post by searching urban mamas circle jerk hahaha); crummy schools, with too many people on the take; so-called liberals who say things like, You’re the one who decided to have kids, why should I pay for their schools?; and Mayor Sam Adams. Yeah, he even tried to ruin my birthday dinner once, the noive of the guy.
He’s only done one nice thing (no, the Fucking Tram doesn’t count) in the however many years Portland has been stuck with him now. And that was because I told him to. And he didn’t do it, anyway, his peeps did. He’s all, Oh, maybe everyone will forget that I like to fuck teenage boys?
No, they won’t.
I used to fuck teenage boys, too. You know when? When I was a teenager. That’s who should be having sex with teenagers — other teenagers. Not skeevy mayors. I mean, unless the mayor is somehow a teenager, too, because no one else wanted the job, and it’s a city of 40 or something. And he/she is not skeevy. Skeevy people need to back off, honk-honk. I see how there could be exceptions to this Wacky Mommy Rule.
Here, I’ll quote myself. Because I can.
“People think I am having a certain set of issues but I am having a whole different set of issues.” — Wacky Mommy
Look, I’m only halfway through writing this stupid post and I’m already sick of it. I’m glad he’s not running for mayor again. I know, I know, “You’re so mean! Why are you so mean?” I’m not mean. I just don’t put up with any shit, is all. And neither should you. So tweet that, bitch.
Okay. I’ll quote myself again, how ’bout?
“oh my God I don’t know how my dick slipped out of my pants! Where did you come from, dick?” — Wacky Mommy, on philandering
One last thought: Sam Adams could, before the end of his lifetime, turn into a person of substance, somehow. But I’m not holding my breath for that one.
Yesterday my son and I were driving home down busy Allen Boulevard in busy, busy Beaverton. I heard a loud crack a second after I saw a blur whoosh from the corner of my eye. It was a senior citizen, down on the sidewalk. As I’m thinking, stroke? heart attack? a bad spot in the concrete that made her trip? i hope she’s okay I hope she’s okay… we pulled the car around and drove back. Of course I was thinking about my grandma, who fell at the store and broke her hip. And decided, while in rehab, that that was it for her. Even though the hip was healing, even though her heart condition was under control, even though her diabetes responded so well to diet. No, no, no, she said. That was it, she was done.
So she stopped eating and we lost her.
Sometimes life is sweet and sometimes life is bitter and sometimes life is just scary.
My son was worried. I told him other people had probably stopped, too, but we had to make sure she didn’t need us to wait with her. That all we could do was call 911, if needed, and wait with her. Was thinking of Miss Zoot and what a sweetie she is.
A lot can go through your head in the one minute it takes you to turn the car around.
By the time we got to her, five other people had stopped.
Shoot. And they say people don’t give a shit, nowadays.
As we drove off, I saw the truck from Tualatin Valley Fire & Rescue speeding down the street. I’m sure the EMTs are good looking and hunky wherever you live, too, but TVF&R? The girls and guys are exceptionally telegenic.
I don’t know how this story ends, but I hope the lady is okay. I hope that she has hope. And I hope she didn’t go into extra-shock, knowing that so many people cared enough to stop.