I have this problem. For me, it’s a small problem. For my husband, dear, sweet, understanding Hockey God, it’s a big, big, big, huge, frickin’ out-of-control problem. It’s all over the table, floor, stacked up in a rack next to the china cabinet.
It takes up a ton of room in the recycling bin and is heavy.
It makes his brain hurt when we talk about it, when I won’t pay attention to him at the table, because I’m absorbed in the obituaries, the recipes, the People column.
Newspapers. I have a pretty serious newspaper addiction going here.
A-hem. A few of his frequent comments go like this:
“Why don’t you read it online?”
“You know you can read it online.”
“Can I recycle these? All of these? No? Why not?”
“Really. Why the hell not?”
“Can we cancel our subscription? I mean, permanently?”
Yargh, the pressure, I cannot take it.
I like a newspaper. I like the heft of it. The thud when they throw it on the front porch. The slick ads. The metro section. The metro brieflys, about horrible, random things happening to random people (who are usually not horrible. But sometimes I suppose they are. Like when a drug dealer’s house burns down because his gro-lights got too hot. I’m supposed to feel bad about that? If he had little kids, I’d feel bad for them. But usually child welfare has already nabbed them. Or when two guys are drunk in a bar and beat each other up, then crash their trucks into each other in the parking lot and get arrested, and their girlfriends won’t bail them out. Hmm…).
I digress.
How will I know about these horrible, random things if I quit my subscription?
Then one day it occurred to me: Why do I want to know about horrible random things? It’s enough to give you a headache. Why give yourself a headache on purpose? That happens enough on accident, no?
Then one other day it occurred to me: This is the only reason I keep my subscription to the Oregonian. That’s right.
Don’t judge me, you. I never claimed to be all fancy-schmancy over here.
For Better or Worse is a good reason to stay married (ten years for us next month!) (and happy 25th to my younger-than-ever girlfriend L and her youthful groom, by the way). But subscribing to the paper just so you can read For Better or Worse? Not reason enough to pay out the money.
Subscription now canceled.
My daughter will miss the funnies but y’know? She can read all of them online.
I’ll get her a free subscription.
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