We found out last summer we have a family of fairies living in our garden. The mom is Summer, dad is River; Forest is the brother and Dawn is the sister.

Fairies are not a lot of work, it turns out. They’re pretty resourceful and mostly take care of themselves. However, they do like it when we leave them raspberries, blueberries, honeysuckle, notes and clothes. (Little wisps of clothing we make out of Barbie doll clothes, lace and nylon scraps.) Sometimes they go on vacation for awhile — to the mountains, or the ocean — and we don’t hear from them. They’re whimsical that way. In the fall they split and go someplace warm. Cabo San Lucas, or maybe Fiji, who knows. Then they popped up again, once school was out. They have a castle and a dragon we bought at the pet store, in the aquarium section, a birdhouse that we leave notes in (the lid lifts off) and two sunflowers. They only come out at night. They like to swim in the river and play at the park. They love our yard.

My friend Annie, someone I knew from college, was raised by awesome hippie parents who let her think she was a fairy until she was four years old. Then she figured out she wasn’t and turned into a girl. It gave her a good outlook on life, starting out as a fairy — she was pretty cheerful and kind of floated along. Like a fairy.

Here is a list of FAQ about fairies (Wacky Girl will handle this part):

(more…)

“I think — tide turning — see, as I remember, I was raised in the desert, but tides kind of, it’s easy to see a tide turn — did I say those words?”
— President Bush, asked if the tide was turning in Iraq (U.S. News & World Report)

“It’s hard to be religious when certain people are never incinerated by bolts of lightning.”
— Bill Watterson, comic strip artist (1958- ), in his comic strip Calvin & Hobbes

“happy birthday to me/
i am not 43”

yes, i’m 42 now. and drunk, apparently. Hockey God took me and the kids to the beach. Total surprise. Wouldn’t tell me if we were even leaving for the weekend, much less where we were going. We went to the same hotel where he took me the first time we went away to the beach. I was 32 then. it was romantic and gorgeous and the weather was PERFECT and they built a huge sand castle that we decorated with crab shells, seashells, seaweed, rocks and driftwood. We watched “Grease” on cable TV cuz HG had never seen it. What? Funny, huh? For a ’70s kid.

Bonus: traffic wasn’t too bad on the way home. He bought me a huge cake and sneaked it with us. the kids were angels. Mostly. We went to the Blue Heron Cheese Factory for wine tasting on the way home, and the Tillamook Cheese Factory. it was crazy and fun.

we’re listening to “Bemba Colora,” Celia Cruz & Friends, out in the yard. Cuz the little robins flew and we can now use the speakers right by their former nesting grounds. i love those birdies but am thrilled to have the deck and yard back.

Four babies, or possibly only three, two angry bird parents: We’re being held hostage over here by four or five robins.

(more…)

“YOU SHOULD SEE HOW MUCH WE’VE CRAPPED ON THEIR DECK. HEH HEH. CAN’T FLY YET, BUT WE CAN LIFT OUR TINY BIRD ASSES AND POOP LIKE DEMONS.”

“THE NEIGHBOR’S WORTHLESS. HARDLY ANY STRAWBERRIES LEFT. WELL, SINCE WE’VE EATEN THEM ALL.”

“FUCKING HATE THE CAT.”

Price for crappy vinyl storm windows: Expensive, but not exorbitant.

Price for decent wood frame storm windows that go nicely with our home’s double hung vintage windows and fit with era of house: Too much money to discuss.

Next question?

Just heard from a survey company, calling to check and see how our job went. The job that took four months to complete. The job that nearly crushed my frickin’ legs. The painter whose work day was one long break at my dining room table. Reading my paper. Glaring at me when I walked through my dining room.

Yeah, that one.

“Mrs. Wacky? Do you have a few moments to complete a survey regarding Construction Co. from Hell?”

I could have said, “Yeah, THEY’RE ASSHOLES.” Or whatever else came to mind, but what came to mind was, “I don’t think that would be a good idea.”

Caller, “Oh. All right then.” And she hung up.

Internet, I love having a shower that works. It is righteous. But really, do I have to send back the “Certificate of Completion” they’re insisting I sign?

I’m waiting ’til four months are up.

Make the Connection is sending out free bead bracelet kits to help educate the public about the link between HPV and cervical cancer. I dislike pharmaceutical companies about as much as the rest of you — except when they’re up against the religious right and fighting to get a much-needed vaccine on the market. And on the list of vaccines required by schools.

“I am not relegous,” I wrote in my journal as a Wacky Girl, age 9. I am not especially “relegous” now, especially when assholes like Bridget Maher are mouthing off.

“Giving the HPV vaccine to young women could be potentially harmful,” Bridget Maher of the Family Research Council told the British magazine New Scientist, “because they may see it as a license to engage in premarital sex.”

Yeah. Right. Anyway. And for the love of God, don’t give ’em any rubbers, cuz “something bad” might happen. Off soapbox. Here’s an article, if you’re interested, by Katha Pollitt of the Nation, titled “Virginity or Death!” Do some research, stay informed and talk to your kids. Talk, talk, talk.

HPV reportedly is not preventable by condoms. Tell them this.

Tell them to use rubbers anyway. And fight for this vaccine.

Thank you. This public service announcement brought to you by…

Wacky Mommy

“C’MERE I’LL EAT YOU!”

He rilly rilly wants a nibble of a baby birdie. There are four, I counted. Mama keeps divebombing Wacky Naked Neighbor whenever she goes out into her driveway. (WNN is generally fully clothed at the time.)

(Click on image for larger view)

Now, Miss Zoot must know that I’m all about free stuff. Free bamboo knitting needles! (Aka, chopsticks.) Yes. Free passes to the movies. Gift certificates = free. So she and her readers are winning all this damn stuff and I’m thinking, “I want some damn free stuff!” Don’t you? Click on the little “win with me on Blingo” icon over there. Not there — there. See it? OK. Then we will win together, yay!

(Also, Zoot and her husband, all dressed up, soooo cute.)

(Also, Happy Father’s Day to all the dads, but especially Hockey God. We love you, buddy! Aren’t you glad the Edmonton Oilers KICKED HOCKEY ASS! Yeah, Game 7, wooooooo-hooooooooooooooooo!)

“YO YO BABY, WHAT’S UP?”

(Click on image for a larger view)