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Agrestic, here we come

October 8th, 2007

We’re making an offer on a house in the suburbs. What do you think of that, world wide web? It’s Agrestic. No gates, but lots of little boxes, on the hillside, little boxes, made of ticky-tacky…

I think it’s time for a Q&A with myself, don’t you?

Q: Hmmm. Have you ever really considered a move to the suburbs?
A: Yes.

Q: I meant, before last week?
A: Well, no.

Q: Seriously?
A: No. Yes. I mean, sort of. I mean, are you asking are we serious? Yes. We considered the suburbs (specifically Beavertown), when we were house-hunting, because it’s closer to Hockey God’s work cubicle. But 1) too expensive and 2) I previously hated the West Side, being an East Side rat since birth.

Q: For the record…
A: 3) Now, houses are cheaper on the West Side than the East Side. (Will wonders never cease?) Therefore, I now adore the West Side. Darling, I love you but give me Park Avenue.

Q: Does it bother you, how insincere you are?
A: No, does it bother you?

Q: Nothing bothers me, I’m your inner voice. I am Queen of All.
A: You wish.

Q: What does Hockey God think?
A: He’s the one who found the house online, please. He’s been figuring out the details. Real reason he wants to move? It’s closer to the ice rink. Hockey, hockey, hockey!

Q: What about school?
A: I’m not in school.

Q: The children! Think of the children!
A: Yeah, they have schools on the West Side. And not as much fighting about them.

Q: You like fighting, though, don’t you?
A: No, I like scrappin’.

Q: What about the Nekkid Neighbors?
A: Don’t talk about them I’ll start crying. I don’t think I’ll ever see so much booty and booby again in my life. Sigh.

Q: No Iowa?
A: No Iowa.

Q: What does the house look like?
A: Pretty. Not brand-new, but not really old. I like it. There is a nice family living there now. They don’t seem like the type who would return to their former abode and stalk us. They were leaving as we got there to tour it. They waved at us. There are a lot of schools, greenspaces and parks around. No coffee houses so just think of all the money I’ll save. (When we moved in here in 2000 there were 0 (zero) coffee houses within walking distance. There are now 4 (four) but still no *$$$ (Starbucks). (I am not supposed to drink coffee, but am fooling myself with decaf. It’s going okay.)

The neighbors all came out to say hi and not one of them was “high.” I saw no syringes and no pit bulls. It has a few bedrooms, a couple of bathrooms. A parlor! (It’s official name is “formal living room” but I plan on calling it “The Parlor.”) No basement, but a garage where Hockey God can hang up his stinky gear.

Q: Did you already start packing?
A: What do you think? I’ve been packing since we first started talking a year ago about moving to Iowa.

Q: Keep me posted?
A: Sure.


  1. Jenny McB says

    Does this mean you become a Stepford wife? Do you have designer work out clothes yet? Good luck

    October 8th, 2007 | #

  2. WackyMommy says

    Jenny McB,
    I am already Valley of the Dolls. This could only be an improvement.

    October 8th, 2007 | #

  3. megs says

    Little boxes made of ticky tacky…and they all look just the same…And the people went to the university, …and their doctors and their lawyers and their CEO’s of the companies,,,and they’re all made out of ticky tacky and they all look just the same…Fight the urge sister. Fight the urge.

    October 8th, 2007 | #

  4. Vixen says

    But damn, a parlor. Very, very cool.

    October 8th, 2007 | #

  5. Vixen says

    PS: Thanks for commenting, I was thinking all day about stuff and I thought (in retrospect) that it might be hard for you. I really appreciate it.

    October 8th, 2007 | #

  6. Mallory says

    How exciting! The great thing is, (and trust me because I move so damned much, when you just move from urb to ‘burb,) that you can hop in the car and visit your old haunts and friends whenever you get homesick for them and it is easy-peasy because you are not so far away. Whereas, in Iowa, we could have been talking expensive plane fare, lol. I cannot believe how clean it is in Beavertown. People don’t throw their garbage all over the freeway on-ramp. I thought it would not be diverse but I am happy to say that my parents have lots of nice latino and asian neighbors at least. Your inner voice is very wise!

    October 9th, 2007 | #

  7. Zipdodah says

    Closer to the beach!

    October 9th, 2007 | #

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