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“Today on General Hospital…”

May 21st, 2008

Watching General Hospital with my husband is a little bit… challenging, let’s say. You may already know this.

HG: Who’s zat?

me: Zacchara. Anthony Zacchara.

HG: Mobster? Mobster! New mobster. Like Moreno. Or Alcazar. Zacchara/Alcazar, Alcazar/Zacchara — it’s a anagram, see? Alcazara. Alcacazara. See? Who’s zat?

me: How can you even remember Moreno? Was there a Moreno? I don’t remember. That’s old Carly. Carly 1.

HG: Carly 1? I don’t know this Carly 1.

me: YES, you do. She’s the original Carly, the best Carly, the only Carly. Now she’s… someone Zacchara. But I just call her Original Carly Zacchara.

HG: I liked Carly 2. She was hot and sexy. Also, Carly 3, cuz she’s sassy. But not Carly 1. No. They should have all three of the Carlys back, that’d be good. A Carly-palooza. Where’s Lizzie? It’s back on!

HG (dives under a leopard-print comforter on the couch): Hmmm. Listening to Sonny and Jason — both their voices sound the same. You. Cannot. Tell. Them. Apart. (Emerges from under comforter.) Where’s Lizzie? I like Lizzie. What’s that thing on Sonny’s head?

me: That’s not Sonny — that’s Nicholas Cassadine. How could you think that was Sonny? He had a brain tumor — that’s a bandage. Now he can’t see Elizabeth anymore. She’s dead! Did you know that?

HG (flipping out): LIZZIE IS DEAD? They killed Lizzie? You didn’t tell me that!

me: I meant Emily. Emily is dead.

HG: Geez, that scared me. Eh, I didn’t like Emily that much.

me: I did. Anyway, Emily’s dead, Nicholas had brain surgery and now he can’t see visions of her anymore. So. Carly Zacchara. (Who has somehow ended up in a compromising position with Nicholas Cassadine… at the castle… in a storm… We study Carly 1 Old Carly Original Carly Claudia Zacchara for awhile.)

HG: She’s responsible for Michael gettting a bullet in his head! (Michael, who has apparently been kicked off the show. Jerks. Evil casting jerks. I love that kid. wm) Evil bitch. Evil. (Commercial comes on.) That’s what we need — a little Glad fan. Gets everything all syrupy-sweet.

(Sorry, Internets. He’s getting a little loopy. Better get the big guy to bed. xxox wm)


  1. Laura Healy says

    Oh Wacky Mommy! It’s nice, so nice to have one bloggy friend who still watches GH. (When my sister quit watching I felt utterly betrayed!) We call Carly 1 “slutty carly” in our house. I like the current Carly, her teeth are kind of crooked and I find it endearing.

    On a completely different subject – I’d like to ask you a question about teaching kids to knit – so I’m going to email you.

    May 22nd, 2008 | #

  2. BlackFriend says

    Um, correction Laura Sisk is Carly #4, Jennifer something or other was #3.

    Claudia is the surgically modified Carly #1.

    Did you ever take that AOL GH Trivia quiz I scored 17 of 20, punk. HG only likes Liz cause she reminds him of you. Sonny stammers, Jason does not.

    I like that Bruce Weitz is working. I wish they could have Epiphany do something other fat-black-sass-mouth stuff and the stunningly beautiful Lainey has all but disappeared.

    At least I still have my Maxie. Kate/Connie does need a damn sandwich.

    May 22nd, 2008 | #

  3. Steve R. says

    HG only likes Liz cause she reminds him of you.

    Yeah, that’s it!

    Sonny stammers, Jason does not.

    I detect Jason picking up on Sonny’s stammering. It’s like they’re tying to be all natural and shit. I ain’t buying it.

    May 22nd, 2008 | #

  4. karol says

    OMG Wacky mommy. I love GH too and I never knew who to tell. I miss Carly 1 but I love Claudia Z’s guns! How many push ups must a girl do to have arms like that? HOT.

    I don’t like Carly 4 because I so adored Carly 1. I also second Black Friend. Enough sassy black nurses, JEEZ. And can hot shrink get some love?

    Thanks for letting me vent.

    May 22nd, 2008 | #

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