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a post regarding church and religion, and the Advice Column for Wacky Mothers & Others: My Kid Won’t Eat/My Co-Worker Won’t Stop Eating!!!

January 8th, 2008

Oh God said to Abraham, “Kill me a son”
Abe says, “Man, you must be puttin’ me on”
God say, “No.” Abe say, “What?”
God say, “You can do what you want Abe, but
The next time you see me comin’ you better run”
Well Abe says, “Where do you want this killin’ done?”
God says, “Out on Highway 61.”

Highway 61 Revisited
Bob Dylan

That isn’t my God, that God, by the by. My God is a friendlier, more compassionate, Higher Spirit kind of being. I haven’t written much about My Life as a Sunday School Teacher, have I now? You interested? (My sister: “No.” Hangs up phone.) How about school politics? (Picks up the phone, then slams it down.) I like teaching, and I especially liked it this past Sunday when one of my students, who showed up for the first lesson and hasn’t been spotted since (is it something I said?) showed up, smiley, knowing that I would remember him.

(I did.)

We talked about Sophia Fahs. Next week I’m teaching the lesson — it’s about Beatrix Potter. Both Unitarian girls. For snack, we always always always serve tangerines. Always.

And now, from the Q&A bag…

Advice Column for Wacky Mothers & Others
Dear everyone, I am not a trained professional; please seek help from a medical professional if and when you need it. Be well!

Dear Wacky Mommy:

Please help with any ideas you moms might have. My 6 yr. old daughter is the worlds pickiest eater, she only eats bagels, doritos, pizza, vanilla yogurt, pepperidge farm fishies, steak, and just recently discovered Bologna.

Signed,
HELP!!!!

Dear HELP!!!!:
Give the kid some steak. Steak is good food! Unless you’re eating with my three vegetarians, in which case you’d hear, Ew, that’s from a COW? You killed a cow? Did you know you’re eating… Etc. So tiresome. Bologna? Not such a healthy choice, but an okay snack. Doritos? Do not keep Doritos in the house, thus they cease to become an option.

(I’m trying this strategy on fruit leather, cereal bars, candy and cookies, wish me luck.) Vanilla yogurt and pizza are two of our four food groups around here. I would try buying healthy stuff, as healthy as possible, and remembering this: It’s your job to fix the food; it’s her job to eat it.

Don’t worry, she won’t starve to death.

The eating issues drive me nuts, too. You’re not alone.

Love,
WM

Next?

Dear Wacky:
I have a cubicle neighbor who eats lunch at his desk and smacks his lips. It just totally grosses me out. The smell of his cheap microwave food is bad enough, but to hear the smack smack smack that goes with it is just too much. It’s not loud, or anything, and I imagine he’s completely unaware anybody can hear him.

To make matters worse, he always eats early, around 11:30, so I’m almost always at my desk. I’ve taken to putting on headphones and listening to music while he eats, but I don’t like having to do this.

Should I confront him about this? If so, what should I say? Or should I just ignore it and do the headphone thing?

Sincerely,
Grossed-Out by Lip Smackers

Dear Grossed-Out:
It’s always about the food around here, isn’t it? Honestly, I cannot think of a tactful way to tell someone “Stop smacking.” Unless you yell, “Stop smacking!” over the wall, but I would die of embarrassment if someone did that to me, wouldn’t you?

Wear headphones, or take an earlier lunch. Maybe take a break during his mealtime? Is he a fast eater, or a lingerer? Work: All of the same dilemmas and quandaries as home, but you have to obey some invisible code of respect. Even though “We’re family! We’re a work family!” Well, no. Not really. At home we just yell, “Stop smacking!” and call it a day.

Good luck.

Warmly,
WM

i like my new job.

January 7th, 2008

That’s all.

You?

wm

Don’t Get It Right, Get It Written

January 5th, 2008

Don’t Get It Right, Get It Written

Don’t Get It Right, Get It Written

Don’t Get It Right, Get It Written

Writing fiction this weekend. Wish me luck. Have a good Saturday and Sunday, y’all.

love,

wm

i’m telling you right now

January 4th, 2008

It’s 12:30 a.m., Friday morning, and yesterday (Thursday) was not that much fun. Lord, how I longed for it to be a fun day, but it was just work work and no fun for you, Wacky Mommy, you reckless slut. Hope you enjoyed your free time while it lasted, girl, cuz it’s gone.

So don’t expect anything from me today, peoples. Go read the archives and find some recipes or something. Or you could leave me a note. I like notes.

xxox

wm

the three-second book review: Sex Detox, Thick as Thieves, Little Stalker

January 3rd, 2008

Reviewed today, in three seconds flat:

Why am I doing three-second book reviews? Because I haven’t written any fiction in, I don’t know, all week?? Most of break? I need to write, Internets. (more…)

Dooce gets EVERYTHING I do not

January 2nd, 2008

Dooce got a dog for Christmas. A DOG! Jon got her a dog. Hockey God did not get me a dog, even though I requested a dog, like, seventy-five or ninety times.

I need a dog, doggone it. I already have a bed for it.

Thursday Thirteen Ed. #126: 13 Things I Bought Today at Costco

January 2nd, 2008

Dear Thirteeners and Usual Suspects,

There is nothing that screams HAPPY NEW YEAR’S to me like going shopping. Do you have a special, intimate relationship with Costco? Sam’s Club? Whatever you have, wherever you are? (more…)

if I was baking a pie today…

January 2nd, 2008

My pie would be called The-Why-Doesn’t-BlogHerAds-ever-ever-ever-
include-me-in-links-anymore-do-I-say-the-word-
fuck-too-much Pie

Alternately:

Love-Love-Love-No-Arguing-With-Assclowns-on-the-
Internet-Day-Only-Full-of-Love Pie

No Arguing with Assclowns on the Internet Day!! Today!!

January 2nd, 2008

I would like to remind everyone, especially me, myself and I, that today is NAWACOTID. Woot!

(No, the site still isn’t up and running; we’re building it, though.)

love,

WM

happy happiest 2008

January 1st, 2008

We are doing an amazing amount of nothing around here. All we have planned for the day is watching the Sabres play the Penguins (edited to say: Penguins lost. Sorry, Gaustad) and we will make Hoppin’ John and devour it. We stayed up late with the kids last night, banged pots and pans, then crashed, crashed, crashed. I slept until 11:30 this morning. What??? It’s true.

How ’bout you?

love,

WM

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