Dear Wacky Mommy: I am sorry. Am I the only one with crazy in-laws? One is a drunk at night and likes to find men and the other one is stuck in the south with his crazy wife and his four kids (Hello—-stop breeding). How to deal with these people? What I would really like to do is just go to the Caribbean and fish for our life. We would have to get a bigger boat. And lots of rum — we are parrotheads.

Signed,

Parrothead Mommy

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1) the corn is as tall as me!

2) we can’t go to Oregon Country Fair this weekend, even though a bunch of our friends are going, but it’s raining so i don’t care, anyway, as the rain makes me “la-di-da, maybe I should build a fire in the fireplace! Oh, wait, I don’t have a fireplace…”

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I’m taking the kids to the library, then to the vet (to pick up meds for cats and dog, not for the kids, fyi), then to the outdoor pool to swim and splash.

Just in case ya’ll were wondering what the Wacky Family is up to today.

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So I hear that Mavis Staples — THE Mavis Staples, Pops Staples’ daughter, she of the lilting voice — will be at the Waterfront Blues Fest on Sunday night. So I’m thinking, great, we can take the kids and head down there. It’s only, what, 5 bucks and a couple of cans of food?

Then I remember, no, we have a STUPIDASS DOG who can’t be alone during fireworks, not even if we load him up on Pabst’s Blue Ribbon (vet’s orders. She is at a loss as to what to do with him, too)) and sedatives beforehand.

Why is my life so much harder than everyone else’s?

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“The wicked London tavern – thieves and drabs
To affront the blessed hillside drabs and thieves
With mended morals, quotha — fine new lives!”

— Elizabeth Barrett Browning; Aurora Leigh; 19th c.

“Quotha” means “indeed.” Pronounced (KWO-thuh). It is an interjection. (“Shows excitement/and emotion/hallelujah/hallelujah/hallEEELUUUUUJAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!” Remember Schoolhouse Rock?)

I swiped this word and quote from A-Word-A-Day, which has been one of my favorite daily e’s for a few years now. Subscriptions are free, but they do accept donations. Anu Garg, the webmaster, is an awfully nice man. Sometimes he tells cute stories about his kid, plus he’s a computer geek, and you know I like computer geeks.

http://www.wordsmith.org/awad/

Yes, this year takes the cake for this honor. A call, at 10:30 at night on my birthday, from one of my dear (???) friends, who now lives out of state, saying, “I’ve been staying at D’s for the past few days!” (D being my ex, from years and years ago. He was one of those Break Your Heart Into 100 Pieces and Kick It to The Curb types. Yes, she slept with him after we split up. And apparently, still is.)

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“In Hollywood, true love means never having to say, ‘What do you mean my picture is buried on Page 18 of the tabloids?’ So yes, moi believes that Tom and Katie have something real.”

— Miss Piggy, Muppet

I was on vacation so long that I forgot my login! Ha. Also, apparently the server was down and I didn’t notice for four days or something. I was on vacation, it’s allowed!

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“Nobody can be exactly like me. Sometimes even I have trouble doing it.”

– -Tallulah Bankhead, actress (1903-1968)

“The bluebird carries the sky on his back.”

— Henry David Thoreau, naturalist and author (1817-1862)