(Photo by Steve Rawley)

Author Blog, by moi.

New post from Steve.

Reading, reading, reading…

happy birthday, blog :) seven years today.

(Photo by Steve Rawley)

I was at my girlfriend A’s house. I brought my coffee cup with me and banged it down on her counter. We needed to talk PTA stuff — I think we were planning a carnival. She told me later that the way I put down my mug convinced her that we were meant to be friends. (i miss her — moved across town and never see anyone anymore.) She threw out the old coffee, made a fresh pot, poured me a cup and then said Oh-you-have-to-see-this! She took me back into her office, and there on her screen was Amalah Not Too Sweet, with pictures of cherries for the header. (When I think back to my early days of blogging, Not Too Sweet often pops into my head, with images of Chocolate Volcano Cake, cute babies, funny stories, advice columns…)

Such a funny girl, Amalah. And my friend A. She knew I was staying home with the kids and a little restless. I told Steve I wanted to start writing a blog, so he built this one. Then he built one for himself, and another one, and another one, and then, why the hell not? This one.

Then I read (not in this order), Rockstar Mommy, Yvonne, Zoot, Mir, Heather, and later, Jon. (A sample “daily affirmation” from Jon: “Learn from your detractors. And then block their negativity. And their IP address.”) Later on, I added Laura (i love that post, by the way), Vixen and Nan, and… Koreen.

Now we’re all getting a little discouraged about blogging. No one reads The Blogs that much anymore (see: Facebook, Twitter, Tumblr). They’re alright, and I know a lot of people liked the “closed garden” aspect, but I don’t find them as satisfying as I do blogging. But I’m also writing fiction and non-fiction, as always, and doing marketing for those projects, so that is where I throw my angst, not at blogging.

Also it’s a little weird out in the Internet waters, nowadays. Everyone’s figuring out how to handle it, with the kids getting bigger and wanting privacy. (Many of us had little kids when we started this out — my daughter was 5 and my son was 2, how is that possible? They’re 12 and 9 now, whoa.) Jon and Dooce are legally separated. Still blogging. One of my favorite blogs belongs to the ex-wife of one of the best bosses I ever worked for. Connections. Go figure.

So de-lurk, already. I still get a fair amount of traffic but hardly any comments. Go anon if you’d like, I don’t mind ;) I’d like to know who’s out there still, or finding the blog for the first time.

Happy Valentine’s Day! And happy birthday, blog. here’s to many years ahead.

xo

wm

Fed up with Lewis & Clark and Thomas Jefferson — it’s all my kids have learned about American history at school so far (grades 4 and 7). So we’re watching Roots.

all power to the people,

wm

But her dad is. #blesshisheart. She’s just stressed out and slowly going broke. I have never read such a painfully funny article in my life.

Ouch.

And no, I’m not saying that in an “elderschadenfreude” way, ‘k? ‘K.

How ’bout you go buy a copy of my novel to entertain you, in the meantime? Righteous.

xo,

nancy

“Never cut what you can untie.” — Joseph Joubert, essayist (1754-1824)

(Photo by Steve Rawley)

Wacky Cat I, who refuses all vet appointments and medications:

(Photo by Steve Rawley)

who wrote this? not I. funny, funny. our boy is good and sucks down his pain meds. this is rare, for a feline. happy Friday!

How To Give A Cat A Pill

1. Pick up cat and cradle it in the crook of your left arm as if holding a baby. Position right forefinger and thumb on either side of cat’s mouth and gently apply pressure to cheeks while holding pill in right hand. As cat opens mouth, pop pill into mouth. Allow cat to close mouth and swallow.

2. Retrieve pill from floor and cat from behind sofa. Cradle cat in left arm and repeat process.

3. Retrieve cat from bedroom, and throw soggy pill away.

4. Take new pill from foil wrap, cradle cat in left arm, holding rear paws tightly with left hand. Force jaws open and push pill to back of mouth with right forefinger. Hold mouth shut for a count of ten.

5. Retrieve pill from goldfish bowl and cat from top of wardrobe. Call spouse from garden.

6. Kneel on floor with cat wedged firmly between knees, hold front and rear paws. Ignore low growls emitted by cat. Get spouse to hold head firmly with one hand while forcing wooden ruler into mouth Drop pill down ruler and rub cat’s throat vigorously.

7. Retrieve cat from curtain rail, get another pill from foil wrap. Make note to buy new ruler and repair curtains. Carefully sweep shattered figurines and vases from hearth and set to one side for gluing later.

8. Wrap cat in large towel and get spouse to lie on cat with head just visible from below armpit. Put pill in end of drinking straw, force mouth open with pencil and blow down drinking straw.

9. Check label to make sure pill not harmful to humans, drink 1 beer to take taste away. Apply Band-Aid to spouse’s forearm and remove blood from carpet with cold water and soap.

10. Retrieve cat from neighbor’s shed. Get another pill. Open another beer. Place cat in cupboard, and close door on to neck, to leave head showing. Force mouth open with dessert spoon. Flick pill down throat with elastic band.

11. Fetch screwdriver from garage and put cupboard door back on hinges. Drink beer. Fetch bottle of scotch. Pour shot, drink. Apply cold compress to cheek and check records for date of last tetanus shot. Apply whiskey compress to cheek to disinfect. Toss back another shot. Throw Tee shirt away and fetch new one from bedroom.

12. Call fire department to retrieve the damn cat from across the road. Apologize to neighbor who crashed into fence while swerving to avoid cat. Take last pill from foil wrap.

13. Tie the little bastard’s front paws to rear paws with garden twine and bind tightly to leg of dining table, find heavy-duty pruning gloves from shed. Push pill into mouth followed by large piece of fillet steak. Be rough about it. Hold head vertically and pour 2 pints of water down throat to wash pill down.

14. Consume remainder of scotch. Get spouse to drive you to the emergency room, sit quietly while doctor stitches fingers and forearm and removes pill remnants from right eye. Call furniture shop on way home to order new table.

15. Arrange for SPCA to collect mutant cat from hell and call local pet shop to see if they have any hamsters.

How To Give A Dog A Pill

1. Wrap it in bacon.

2. Toss it in the air.