Things I Found in Pockets Yesterday:

a green plastic pin shaped like a bicycle
a guitar pick

Things I Found in Pockets Last Week:

a rusty nail
a quarter

(An occasional series, for Nan. PS — “…and Tobago…” was a clue on Jeopardy last night — we both yelled, “WHAT IS TRINIDAD?” haha. Thanks for the geography lessons, Nan and Beth.)

Nancy Jo who? Why, she’s the stuffed armadillo my brother-in-law brought my daughter from Texas, of course!

(Stuffed as in “plush,” not stuffed as in “taxidermy.”)

WM: “Nancy Jo, what’s up? How was your flight?”

NJ (in squeaky voice): “Well, there was this big fat guy sitting behind me?”

WM: “Was he disruptive?”

NJ: “He put his feet up… on my chair.”

WM: “That’s horrible! You should have punched him right in the nose! What part of Texas are you from, anyway?”

NJ: “Dallas, Texas. It’s exciting!”

WM: “What’s your favorite kind of animal, Nancy Jo?”

NJ: “A cowboy. Cowboys are hot!” (begins giggling madly.)

WM: “Alright. So, what’s your nickname?”

NJ: “Nancy Drew. Please call me that from now on.”

WM: “Will do, Nancy Drew. We’re out of time for today, thanks for the interview!”

NJ: “No, thank you!”

The Dalai Lama walks up to a hot dog vendor and says, “Make me one with everything.”

Did you know that they still have play-off games for the Stanley Cup, even over Mother’s Day weekend? And I do like hockey, so we’ve been watching a LOT of games. Yet, I’m ready for the craziness to stop. Well, not stop. Advance. I’m ready for advanced craziness.

Tonight we’re watching the games in the wrong order, so we just watched the end of the Chicago/Vancouver game. Chicago took it and I was happy cuz I do love the Blackhawks. Now we’re watching the Pittsburgh/Washington game (which was actually earlier this evening) and we do like the Penguins and we do not care for the Capitals and… we’re watching the game. (Edited later to say: Pens lost. But we’ve got one more chance.) And I’m blogging. Not eating snacks because the Wii Fit, she is an evil mistress. With that little teeny voice that boldly tells you, that’s overweight.

We were also watching the school board meeting, at the same time as the games, and Internets, it was like PPS Equity had thrown up on one monitor and More Hockey Less War had thrown up on the other monitor and I could not avert my eyes. By the by, do you realize that Hockey God has not updated his hockey blog since April 21st? Even though it’s play-off season? Probably because it’s play-off season? You need to work on the dedication to hockey over there, big fella. What’s the point of a hockey blog if it goes dormant during peak season? But you know he doesn’t ever give you the big love like I do.

A few things, in no particular order:

* Our neighbors’ big tree lost big branches and no, they did not land on the kids or go through the windows, thank God, but the one did fill up the entire side yard. Also it was scary as hell. Also this random huge storm we had that took down a number of trees in the area — it happened three days after my Grandma died. I am convinced that this storm was the rage of Dear Granny. Lord knows the woman had a temper.

* It bothers me, that she passed right before Mother’s Day. I am of the mind that you have to take the sweet along with the bitter, but it has been rough. The service was four days before Mother’s Day.

* Do you believe in purgatory? I think I do.

* Do you believe there was only one clown in the St. Johns Parade this year? Ronald McDonald. That was it. (This is not him. This is from the Beaterville float, obviously. Did you know they sponsor a stock car? Hockey God is hap-hap-happy about that one.) WTF?? Clowns for Christ, please explain yourselves.

* Do you believe in the J. Geils Band?

* Were you wanting to talk about the St. Johns Parade, which we went to on Saturday, after Lelo told me, and I’m quoting here, that I should “man up” and go? Wacky Mommy TAKES the challenge GOES to the parade and is PSYCHED to find that it was the BEST YEAR EVER. And I go every year so I know. Thanks, Lelo, you were RIGHT ON ABOUT THAT.

* Do you believe that one of the high school bands at the parade (Benson, I think?) played the song “Centerfold” and another band played Tommy Tutone’s “867-5309/Jenny Jenny”? Do you believe that Teen Moms Rock? HELL TO THE YEAH. We also saw a big pink poodle (not stuffed, live. Dyed pink. Not a great dye job, but eh, who am I to criticize?) KICK about FOUR DOGS’ ASSES along the way as it strutted off leash during the parade. She was all, “I’m off leash, ya bitches. Bite me. No, wait, I’ll bite you.” No, we did not get photos, unfortunately. It was a big blur.

* People, could we perhaps have stuck with this year’s theme of Oregon’s 150th birthday instead of veering toward dog fights and hot teen sex?

* Now I have to post “Jessie’s Girl” for Miz Y. Just cuz. Hot teen sex.

* Sorry, but after watching that J. Geils mess I have to link to Nirvana. Mo’ bettah cheerleaders. Geez, did things change a lot in ten years or what?

What is up over here, you ask? Too, too, too much.

* I’m dancing. The Mii me is, that is. Wii Fit is really fun, y’all weren’t kidding.
* Also enjoying the hula hoopin’
* I think this is Portland’s longest season ever for the cherry and plum blossoms on the trees. Usually the rain knocks them down straightaway, but they’ve had a good run this year.
* I keep opening my e-mail, Facebook and Twitter hoping… what, exactly? That someone will have left me a plate of appetizers or something? It’s not like that, it’s the computer. Facebook is giving me eyestrain.
* What I would have on the platter, were a platter of appetizers to suddenly appear: phyllo pastry with melted cheese, like at Alexis Greek Restaurant; roasted asparagus; meatballs; carrots, celery sticks and grape tomatoes, with some of the kooky dip my cousin K makes — you know what it is? BBQ sauce mixed with Thousand Island. I kid you not. It is delicious; also… a variety of olives; fresh, cut-up fruit — pineapple, cherries, strawberries (to dip in chocolate and powdered sugar)
* Yes, I had dinner. I’m just staying up too late and getting hungry again.
* This is why I need to go to bed earlier.
* I’m not writing about any family stuff. I do not want to bum you out, Internets. Just light a candle for us is what I’m requesting. Thank you.
* Also not writing about Internet Drama. The Internet Drama can kiss my foot.
* Doesn’t the ocean sound nice? I’d like to be at the ocean right now.
* I don’t like the Wii Fit game where you balance on the tightrope, that is scary to me. But the others are all fun.
* We just watched more hockey — Anaheim Ducks took their series (over San Jose Sharks); Chicago (go!) beat Calgary.
* What is new with you?

wm, out.

Facebook, you have turned me into a slut. Just sayin’.

World, I didn’t go to the PTA meeting at my kids’ school tonight because I knew they would nominate me Queen of Something or Another and I CANNOT LIVE WITH THAT KIND OF PRESSURE.

I’m a little tipsy. I went out to Yetti’s with A and we drank a bottle of Terrapin Pinot Gris, plus we had bacon-wrapped dates (don’t tell my vegetarian son, because he’ll wail Why would you eat meat when there are so many other things to eat in the world? Yes, son, but none of them taste exactly like bacon. Except BACON that is) and we also had a dish of mixed nuts.

Did I mention that we’re watching the Pens play the Flyers and THEY JUST WON 3-1!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Woooooooooooo-hoooooooooooooo, we love Pittsburgh. Three games to one, let’s hope we wrap it up and move on.

Blazers won, too, by the by. Riiiiiiiiiiiiiip City. That’s right.

Wooooooooooooooooo you would think it was Facebook or something, the way I’m writing this. Damn you, BlackFriend for getting me all over the Facebook. It is awfully fun.

1) blog
2) see my granny
3) get the kids to and from school
4) fix dinner
5) okay, think about fixing dinner
6) stir-fry and apple pie
7) make poems that rhyme: stir-fry and apple pie/way up high/up in the sky/woot!
8) no future as poet. blog on other blog.
9) study for my online course, Human Development
10) finally finish the first six chapters of the HONKIN’ HUGE textbook with the teeeeeeeeny-tiny little print
11) yes, i did get a pair of “progressives” due to the fact that “i cannot read such teeeeeeeeeeny-tiny-witsy-bitsy print.” but i can’t deal with using them, they make everything go skittery. Today, however, I have worn them for an entire hour. Well almost an entire hour.
12) i can feel old
13) but not as old as my granny
14) she sez: Count your blessings
15) try to sign up to take first exam, which must be skedded two weeks out. Get e-mail from anon. PSU person that says, Use Blackboard
16) find blackboard. Excuse me — Blackboard — even tho anon. person did not include url. Is it too much effin’ trouble to have attached the url, or is finding it part of the exam? (which even tho it is multiple-guess, i have profound terror of.) (of which i have a profound terror.) (even tho am solid A/B student.)
17) start watching Nova DVD, The Miracle of Life (Lennart Nilsson)
18) (I can also spell “Lennart Nilsson” correctly without even thinking about it)
19) (does that count for something? two extra points?)
20) “The fertilized egg, now with genetic material from both parents, moves through the tube through the uterus…” (hit pause on DVD. thank lucky stars am not pregnant. there are some benefits to this whole “getting older” thing.) (i ponder that for a minute. Yep, it’s okay to be in your forties.)
21) I need another cup of coffee. Get a cup of coffee (I love my thermos. Steve bought it for me so I can take Snow Snakes to hockey games. I always have a nice cuppa coffee ready. Or a Snow Snake.)
22) blog again.
23) Have I done enough for the day?
24) I think so. I’ll finish watching the DVD, though.
25) but first, the recipe for Snow Snakes: hot cocoa with a shot of peppermint schnapps, whipped cream on top drizzled w/ Creme de Menthe in the shape of a snake. Bon drinking!

random thoughts:

* we have a new dishwasher. cuz the old one broke is why. it only worked if you wedged a butter knife into the latch, and that seemed a little kooky to me. (Ed. Weds. a.m. to say: The one that was just installed, however, doesn’t work at all. Sears is reportedly coming back out tomorrow. Am now consigning myself to the Zen of washing dishes by hand. It’s OK.)

* I finally got a Facebook page. Whatever. Whatever Facebook, I think you’re a little clunky is all.

* I worked out 2 days in a row. Woooooo-hoooooooooooooooooo!!!!

* so far 3 of my old friends and none of my ex’s have found me on Facebook. Woooooooo-hoooooooooooooooooooo!!!

* I am confused because Hockey God has been playing a song on the piano called “On the Lagoon” but it sounds like “Que Sera, Sera.” So whenever I hear him, I keep expecting him to bust out with, “When I was just/a little girl/I asked my mother/what will I be?” But he never does.

* Dinner? I’m thinking pizza, too, how did you know?

* That’s it.

xxox

wm

Michael: “Why do you have a diary?”
Dwight: “I keep secrets from my computer.”

I’ve kept a diary since I was nine years old. That’s right, Internets. I don’t tell you everything. But since I’ve started my blog, the diary hasn’t been put to as much use as it could be. Why write it down when I can type it up? But. But, but, but… lately I’ve been scribbling for pages on end. It is very fun, therapeutic and sprawling and a little weird, because when I’ve finished a volume I just toss it into the closet and what’s the point? There is no point, that’s the point.

“If you meet the Buddha on the road, kill him.” (You ever heard that one before?)

There are some things I don’t want to blog. Alternately, there are some things I don’t want to commit to a diary.

There is a lot to say, much of it boring, but I don’t care. Some of it is worth keeping. You can skip the entry; my kids can toss the diaries into the recycling bin after I’m gone. Whatever. I like having some different spots to stash it all.

Grandma update: She is almost 89 and feels like hell. Questions? I love her. Her cookbook… still a work in progress, but we’ve almost figured out all the details.

If you have a recipe, e-mail it to me and I’ll include it.

Hockey God and Wacky Girl: at a hockey game.

Wacky Boy: keeping busy with scotch tape. Refusing to change into pajamas, refusing to put away laundry, refusing to pick out clothes for tomorrow. Typical.

Wacky Mommy: Tell it like it are… would you? Ha ha ha ha HA! Well. It’s spring here and I’m glad about that. The crocus, daffodils, daphne, all are blooming and beautiful. We’re seeing a lot of people, in raincoats, strolling by with their dogs, who are also in raincoats. That’s kinda funny.

I’ve been studying some and reading fiction a whole lot and drinking not enough tea and way too much coffee. If I could limit myself to just three cups of coffee a day I would be happy but damn. I like my java. Trying not to watch too much TV, but I think this is the best season ever for “Friday Night Lights” and it is irresistible to me. Also loving “Brothers & Sisters” jesus god please help us, because if you had ever told me I would like a show starring Calista Flockhart I would have said HAR HAR HAR to you.

Also, Wacky Boy and I went to see “Beverly Hills Chihuahua” today and it turned out to be a kinda subversive little movie. That was unexpected. I liked that.

All for now.

xxox

wm

my husband: Don’t get out of bed.
me: I’m late to work. Gotta go, Spocky.

coffee lady: “Nice to see ya!”
me: “Nice to see you, too. How’s your art?”
coffee lady: “Great!!!!”

me, on the phone with Zip: “Did I wake you? Oh, I forgot. You don’t sleep, either.”
Zip: “I do. I sleep every morning from 5 til 6:30.”
me: “I sleep from 4:30 til 6.”
Zip: “Well, there ya go then.”

* re: That Woman on Welfare and Her 14 Kids… me: “She had 6 at once and then 8 at once?” my co-worker, “Uh, no. But they were all in vitro.” me: “???” my other co-worker, “Huh. Yeah, I thought it was two pregnancies, 14 kids all together.” All of us, in unison, “What was that fertility doctor thinking?”

* me, on my way to cafeteria duty: “LEAVING FOR DUTY NOW, BYE.”
* my co-worker, not looking up from her computer: “I hope no one pukes on your shoes.”

Why am I writing about work?
Why not?

My grandma? She is still in the hospital. My mom? She is handling it okay, but it’s her mom, y’know? We love our moms, even when they are wacky. Here’s the funniest things my grandma ever says…

She just thinks she’s something, Miss Tits.

or…

Who do you think you are? Little Miss Astor Butt?

(My sister: “Huh?” My great-uncle: “She means ‘Little Miss Astor,’ she just puts the ‘Butt’ in there for fun.” me: “Heh heh heh heh heh.”)

me, to our painter and his wife, who I ran into at the restaurant: “So, this your girlfriend?”
him: “Yeah. I mean NO, it’s my wife!”
me, to his wife: “That would have been awkward, huh? If you were his girlfriend? I mean, that would have put me in an awkward position and all.”
his wife: “Heh heh heh heh.”
me: “Will you come paint my upstairs bathroom? I hate it.”
him: “Sure thing.”

I love our painter.

My girlfriend, just now on the phone: “You and Steve are good, all renegade like this. Just go renegade all the time.”
me: “I don’t think I know how to do it any other way.”

So. How was your day? Details, please.