Happiest birthday wishes going out to my Wacky Nekkid Neighbor!!!! Now go get dressed for your party.

Love,

WM

Four babies, or possibly only three, two angry bird parents: We’re being held hostage over here by four or five robins.

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Enough about the school district, school closures, recipes, how-to’s, product and book reviews (I have a backlog that I still am not reviewing anytime soon, but will someday, sorry), the remodeling, the kids who will just not stop screaming and whining (hmm — wonder who they get that from?), etc. OK, I will say one thing, cuz I know the anticipation has been killing you — THE TILE IS ALL DONE! I EVEN TOOK PICTURES TO POST! But I can’t because I am just too toasted. So deal. Also, the tile guy is so nice and now hates my neighbor more than I do. Cuz her yard stinks. And she stinks. And she was rude to him. My tile guy, who is pulling this whole long, sad, way overdue project together and ta-da!

Don’t be rude to my tile guy, damn, what the hell is wrong with you, Neighbor from Hell?

(PS — Not Naked Neighbor, I mean the one who helped extricate me from The Mess. And was this a bonding experience for us? It was for me, but not her, apparently, cuz she bitched me out up one side/down the other two days later??? Shut up, WitchyPoo! I was feeling all sentimental toward you.)

BUT ENOUGH ABOUT HER AND HER STINKY BARNYARD BACKYARD AND HER IDIOT DOG WHO FRICKIN’ NEVER STOPS YAPPING AND HER XMAS TREE WHICH IS, YES, STILL IN THE DRIVEWAY. It’s April, savvy?

This is all about me, me, me and my hideous sinus infection and the “course of steroids and antibiotics” that I am now taking to avoid pneumonia. For the second time. I just went through this in February. Yes, it’s not enough that I get a sinus infection that makes me ache and cry and feel swollen and unable to breathe. It moves right down the nasal passages into my lungs and voila! Bronchitis, then bronchial pneumonia.

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Because I know you want to know more about whale dorks.

My Wacky Naked Neighbor asked me the other day, “Does dork really mean penis?” So I gave her an example, from my old friend M (why won’t I use names? Shit if I know. Like he’d care): “Remember that time I got drunk and started piercing everything? I even pierced my dork.” Heh heh heh. He later married a sweet, pretty and extremely wealthy girl and ran off to Hawaii, so obviously it didn’t hold him back in life.

WNN called her male teacher a dork, in front of the other students. Oops-la.

Have learned to knit. Am unable to blog. Am using fancy, foofy, rainbow-colored hippie yarn that is fun to work with. I swiped this half-finished project from Wacky Girl, in order to fix a large hole we had started. (This involved unravelling half the work we’d done, and mangled. It was a big pain in my ass. But I salvaged it! A coup.) Wacky A showed us how, while we were at the beach taking a little spring break trip.

Once I got it all fixed up I couldn’t stop playing with it. WG had started on larger loom, with easier yarn. Once she saw how pretty her old project was, she tried to reclaim it. Ha! I said. Who ever thought we’d be fighting over craft projects? I am not the craftiest.

Also, Wacky Neighbors have purchased something I’ve been begging them to purchase since they moved in four years ago. Yes, that’s right. Window coverings.

Al-le-llu-IA!!!!

“No more peep show,” Wacky Neighbor S said. Dammit! I did so enjoy it. Oh, wait! Only one window is covered so far, out of several. We still have time to peep.

So there I was at my dining room table, having breakfast with the kids and my mother-in-law and eating breakfast when WHOOSH there goes a streak of white. And again. And again. Yes, it was my Nekkid Neighbor in her panties, almost nekkid across the way, dashing around her dining room. Why won’t they get window coverings? Because we have them, so apparently they don’t
need them. Only, I don’t think I should have to keep the blinds drawn all the time. Children need a little natural light.

Only not so much “natural white,” if you know what I mean.

Her husband has been working on being “not so naked all the time,” as Nekkid Neighbor puts it. Neat.

One time when Nekkid Neighbor’s dad was in town, he wore a chicken suit while eating dinner. That was pretty funny, to me, Hockey God and the kids. I phoned the neighbors and said Never mind the window coverings if you’re going to entertain us like this. Goofy. But they rilly, rilly need to keep the clothes on.