the holiday baking has begun over here. it started innocently enough, with some pumpkin bread, and oatmeal cookies. now we’re planning out our strategies for the next couple of months. requests have been made:

1) please don’t bake so much
2) maybe fewer Christmas cookies this year?

requests have been considered.

now along comes Zootie, who has taken up cooking and baking with a vengeance. I’ve read the Pioneer Woman Cooks from time to time, always entertaining over there. But I had never read Bakerella until Zoot mentioned her mini-pumpkin pie bites.

Oh, yumskamie. Here’s what I say to baking!

Sorry, Steve. If we just work out more, I’m sure it will even out???

I’m starting a new feature here at Chez Wacky — it’s called “Can Someone Please Explain This Wacky Recipe to Me?” Lelo? You’re the pie expert — get over here! (Nice feature they did on the Pie Contest in Thee O, by the by.)

FRIED PIE CRUST

3 cups plain flour
1 tsp. baking powder
1/2 tsp. soda
1 pinch salt
1/3 cup shortening
1 egg
1 cup buttermilk
4 quarts peaches, cut up (canned or frozen)
3-4 cups sugar
1 cup vinegar

Mix peaches, sugar and vinegar and cook until very thick or consistency of peach preserves. Pour in hot pint jars while mixture is boiling and seal. Deep fat fry.

I’m thinking those jars are going to EXPLODE LIKE MOFOs if you deep fat fry ’em. Just sayin’. Safety first and all. OK, this next one sounds do-able. I think my MamaToo just made this recently. (She has a recipe for Chocolate Zucchini Cookies on her blog.) My friends, you cannot go wrong if you add Cool Whip to it. I love reading through my aunties’ and grandma’s cookbooks. “Add frozen lemonade right from the freezer.” (These recipes came from a church cookbook I love — Goodness pure & SIMPLE is the title.) (Of the cookbook, not the church.) How about…

FROZEN LEMONADE PIE

1 graham cracker crust
1 can Eagle Brand milk
1 small can frozen lemonade
1 9 oz. container Cool Whip

Chill milk. Beat well. Add frozen lemonade right from freezer. Beat until real thick. Fold in Cool Whip. Pour into crust. Refrigerate for about 1 hour. Will keep for a week. If using store bought crusts, recipe makes 2 small pies.

• I planted purple clematis from my neighbor L out in the yard, let’s hope it takes.
• hung out laundry, brought in laundry, folded laundry, kids put away half of it, I put away other half, Steve said, More laundry? Rinse and repeat. Entire summer has pretty much equalled this = laundry. Everything’s always wet, dirty and/or muddy over here.
• had our awesome friends and their cool little kid over for dinner. They brought me us a bottle of the best damn rose ever — Juno Cape Maidens, from South Africa. “A refreshingly crisp, deep salmon pink wine with hints of pomegranate, green toffee-apple and cherry,” sez the review. Yes, that’s just how I was going to describe it! Thank you, you two. It was very sweet of you. Come back anytime.
• Steve did the cooking cuz he’s in charge if we’re going vegan for dinner. (I offered up cheese enchiladas but we decided against those.) The guy knows his way around the kitchen. Also is a slut in the bedroom so this is just a win-win for Wacky Mommy.
• “Be a duchess in the drawing room, a chef in the kitchen and a slut in the bedroom.” Let’s all remember that, ‘k?
• Roasted potatoes with garlic; a pot of brown rice; his world-famous cholle, aka chana masala, aka garbonzo stew that was so spicy and good; salad with lettuce, tomatoes and nasturtiums; a little dish of chopped onion and jalapenos to garnish; a pot of mac and cheese for the younger diners; for dessert, watermelon (which we forgot to serve) and those yummy chocolate toffee cookies from New Seasons. I loved every single bite of this dinner, but I really should cook all the dinners the rest of the week to make it up to my man for knocking himself out tonight. Grilled cheese for all my friends! And tater tots!
• I am happy and full. Good night.
• ps I am back at work, so if I disappear, do not fear! But you know me, I’m never gone for long.

xo

wm

APPLE-CARROT BREAKFAST MUFFINS

Ingredients:

* 2 cups all-purpose flour
* 1 1/4 cups white sugar
* 2 teaspoons baking soda
* 2 teaspoons ground cinnamon
* 1/4 teaspoon salt
* 2 cups shredded carrots
* 1/2 cup unsweetened flaked coconut
* 1 apple – peeled, cored and shredded
* 3 eggs
* 1 cup vegetable oil
* 2 teaspoons vanilla extract

Directions:

1. Preheat oven to 350 degrees F (175 degrees C). Grease 12 muffin cups, or line with paper muffin liners.
2. In a large bowl, mix together flour, sugar, baking soda, cinnamon, and salt. Stir in the carrot, raisins, nuts, coconut, and apple.
3. In a separate bowl, beat together eggs, oil, and vanilla. Stir egg mixture into the carrot/flour mixture, just until moistened. Scoop batter into prepared muffin cups.
4. Bake in preheated oven for 20 minutes, until a toothpick inserted into center of a muffin comes out clean.

Steve ran some great recipes on his blog the other day, for the incredible gourmet dinner he made us. The man is a gourmet! I’m just sayin’. Also he blogs. And fixes my blog whenever it breaks. Gets the leaves out of the gutters every fall when the basement floods. Nice! Agrees to play kickball with me and the kids in the summer rain, so I’m just extremely happy, daily, to be married to the man.

Happy early anniversary, Hockey God. I’ll always be impressed by you and head over heels.

Here’s the coffeecake I made for dessert. It’s good by itself, or topped with whipped cream, vanilla yogurt or ice cream. You can double the recipe for a 9 x 13 pan, or use a Bundt pan. Don’t go all crazy though.

Bon appetit!

wm

Bishop’s Bread

2 1/2 cups flour
1 cup brown sugar
1/2 cup white sugar
3/4 cup vegetable oil
1/2 tsp salt
1/2 tsp nutmeg
1/2 tsp cinnamon
1 tsp baking soda
1 cup buttermilk, milk, or soymilk
1 egg
1 tsp vanilla
1 or 2 teaspoons lemon juice and/or zest

Measure flour, sugars and oil together. Blend and reserve one cup for topping. Add the rest of the ingredients; stir well. Pour batter into greased 8 x 8 pan. Sprinkle evenly with topping. Bake 35-45 minutes.

(ps — I just found this recipe for the best punch ever — Portland Punch. How I love thee, Portland Punch. You have shown up at many an office potluck and farewell luncheon. Better tuck this one away for future reference…)

This will make two large punch bowls worth of punch – so halve the recipe if you need only one bowl:

PORTLAND PUNCH

– Two bottles of 2-liter sized Squirt
– Two bottles of 2-liter sized Sprite
– Two bottles of 1-quart sized “Portland Punch – Loganberry Raspberry flavor” (Found at Fred Meyer’s)
– One bottle of 12-ounce sized “Rose’s Grenadine Syrup”
– One bottle of 15-ounce sized Lime Juice

Ad lots of ice (7 lb. bag per bowl) and lime slices. Serve.

Recipes!

Presenting the Sunday edition, now with more bullets!

* Not real clear on why my son was sleeping with a softball last night. (more…)

I always know what you’re thinking, Internets. Right now you’re thinking, where is that sad little Wacky Mommy with her heartbreak story of the day?

I was going to skip the Heartbreak of the Day. I’m trying to clean my house, study, drive kids hither and yon. Emptying out boxes, filling up boxes, finding space for Grandma’s things in my too-crowded home. (I inherited her cookbooks, a few knick-knacks, yarn, photos. Quilts that I’ll share with my cousin. Old Christmas cards.) Packing away the winter clothes and breaking out the summer clothes. Found a slip of paper tucked inside of her old tattered hymnal. A page-a-day calendar from April 16, 1998:

Bird Migration ETAs
Part 5
The third week in April marks the estimated time of arrival in New England of the green heron. In the fourth week, look for the barn swallow, brown thrasher, black-and-white warbler, myrtle warbler, towhee and white-throated sparrow.

I’m ready to toss it into the recycling bin when I think to flip it over. I am my grandmother’s granddaughter — the same handwriting, the same snarky temper, the same need to scribble compulsively. On the back is written, sideways, her name and my grandpa’s name, over and over:

Margie
Lloyd
Margie
Lloyd
Lloyd
Margie
Lloyd

April 16, 1998 — five and a half months after he died. They celebrated their fifty-seventh wedding anniversary on June 28, 1997. She was hoping they’d make it to sixty. He was exhausted from kidney failure, furious because he couldn’t ranch anymore, insane because my uncles took away his guns. (Because, you know. He kept threatening to shoot himself.)

Margie
Lloyd
Margie
Lloyd
Lloyd
Margie
Lloyd

I looked for a book to tuck the note into — found an old cookbook close by — “Favorite Recipes of Valiant Chapter,” circa 1959-1960. Readers? Any ideas on what a Valiant Chapter is, exactly? (This one is Chapter #168, O.E.S., Portland, Ore.) The “Worthy Matron” that year was Martha H. Taylor; the “Worthy Patron'” was G.C. “Jerry” Taylor. Recipes included: Spanish Bun Cake, Fruit Cocktail Cake and (my new favorite) Good Prune Cake. We also have Meaty Scalloped Potatoes, Salmon Loaf and Creamed Chicken.

I. Love. Old. Recipes. Even if I can’t get my family to eat them.

Took Steve out for lunch — Pad Thai, Pad Kee Mao, iced Thai coffee, such sophisticated tastes. No Holiday Wreath Tuna Shortcake in sight — and showed him the note.

“That’s what I’m writing down, if you’re the first to go — Nancy, Steve, Nancy, Steve, Steve, Nancy.”

He adds, “TLF.”

Yes, TLF. It’s one of the most romantic things I’ve ever seen, that love note. And it sums up, on one little tiny sheet of paper, the agonizing pain of going through someone’s personal belongings. I told my auntie, it’s junk, junk, junk, Grandma’s high school diploma, junk.

I cannot give a sigh that is huge enough to express the SIGH I’m feeling. HUGE SIGH.

Off to pick up kids — be right back.

Also found a recipe written in my Dear Granny’s writing, tucked into the Valiant Chapter Cookbook. No-name cake, so let’s call it…

LEMON BUNDT CAKE WITH ORANGE GLAZE AND HEARTBREAK

Here’s exactly how it’s written:

1 pkg yellow cake mix
1 pk lemon pudd (pudding) (Quote from my Dear Granny: “It is good because there is pudding in the mix.”)
4 eggs
3/4 cup oil
3/4 cup water

Beat for 5 min

Tube pan greased

45 minutes

Turn on rock (rack, make that)

Prick with foot (fork!)

1 can thomed orgina pins (Steve: “That says ‘1 can thawed orange juice.'” How can he decipher her hand writing even when I can’t?)

2 3 paw sugar (cool toger) (Okey-doke. Let’s interpret that as 3 cups powdered sugar; cook together)

me: “3 cups powdered sugar and a whole can of orange juice concentrate? Sweeeeeeeeeeet.”

me: “Turn on rock! 1 can thomed orgina pins! No.”

You’ll find it right here.

Wacky Girl made a delicious homemade coconut cake yesterday, in honor of Dear Granny. We didn’t use her recipe though, we made a Starlight Yellow Cake, instead. WG knows how to use the mixer now, she’s happy. Is already asking for a Kitchen Aid. She stirred in coconut, and we frosted it by breaking apart a big Hershey’s bar, and pressing the pieces onto the cake while it was still warm. The pieces didn’t melt fast enough, so we popped it back into the cooling oven for a couple of minutes. Success — and it tasted like a Mounds bar.

That’s how my Dear Granny used to frost cakes. In either a froth of raw egg whites, or by pressing a Hershey’s Kiss onto an oversized cupcake, or by lining up rows of chocolate squares on a still-warm cake. It’s more of a glaze, really. It’s perfect, and no need for powdered sugar.

Until earlier this evening, when I was googling Wacky Mommy Needs (needs cake, clearly) I was not aware that there is such a creation as a Wacky Cake. Did you know that? Did you know that children like it?

Wacky Cake II

Servings: 12

“Children like this cake.”

Ingredients:
1 1/2 cups all-purpose flour
2 cups white sugar
1/2 cup unsweetened cocoa powder
1 teaspoon baking soda
1 teaspoon salt
1 tablespoon distilled white vinegar

2 teaspoons vanilla extract
1/3 cup vegetable oil
1 cup water
1/4 cup butter
1/4 cup milk

Directions:
1. Preheat oven to 350 degrees F (175 degrees C). Grease one 9 inch square pan.
2. Sift together the flour, 1 cup of the sugar, 1/4 cup of the cocoa, the soda, and the salt. Stir in the vinegar, oil, water, and 1 teaspoon vanilla. Beat until smooth. Pour batter into the prepared pan.
3. Bake at 350 degrees F (175 degrees C) for 30 to 35 minutes. Let cake cool. Then spread chocolate icing over top.
4. To Make Chocolate Icing: Combine 1 cup of the sugar, 1/4 cup of the cocoa, the milk, and the butter or margarine. Boil for 1 minute. Stir in 1 teaspoon vanilla and continue stirring until partially cool. Spread over cake.

Here is the best recipe — my Dear Granny would make this every year for my birthday:

COCONUT CAKE
First get a coconut from the store. (Don’t buy one unless you can shake it and hear the milk inside.) Take scissors or a screwdriver. There are three little eyes at the end of the coconut. Make a hole in it with the scissors or screwdriver. Make a hole and drain the milk out.

Then hit it with a hammer and get the shell off. Take a knife, gouge down in there and get all the pieces of coconut and get them out of the shell. Get all the brown off. You can grate it — that’s how Mama used to do it, but it’s hard on your fingers. I run it through the blender — that flakes the coconut up. Or if you got a food processor you can run it through that. Then I add a couple of tablespoons of sugar on the coconut to sweeten it up.

(You can freeze the coconut, too — it freezes well.)

Then, get a Betty Crocker white cake mix. For the liquid in there — I think it calls for milk — use part coconut milk. Save part of the coconut milk for the frosting. Use egg whites, not whole eggs, or else you’ll have a yellow cake.

You put the oven on 350 degrees. Put your cake in there to bake. It takes about 35 minutes or something like that. It will tell you on the box.

You take one of your pans, a small one, you put a cup of sugar, and pour some coconut milk over the sugar. Cook it until you put a spoon in there and it will kind of clump. Then you have three egg whites, beaten pretty stiff, in the mixer. Turn the mixer on high. As it’s mixing, pour the sugar and coconut milk mixture over the egg whites. It should be pretty thick by then.

Ice your cake with that, then sprinkle coconut all over the top of the cake. That’s it.

(love you, Grandma. nancy)