Hello, Product Slut here.

I am not a hot-hot weather fan. Warm, yes… balmy, definitely… but not 102 degrees hot. Who likes it that hot? No one is who. Whenever the weather’s unbearably warm (air-conditioning? in my house? ha ha ha) and I’m grouchy I just have to remember one thing: Our anniversary is in two months.

It was hot the day we were wed. Because my husband is smokin’ that’s why! It was weather-hot and sexy husband hot. One of my favorite wedding gifts was from a dear former co-worker of mine. It’s called Happily Ever After: Couples Talk About Lasting Love, by Laurie Wagner, Stephanie Rausser and David Collier (Chronicle Books, 159 pages). It’s based on Collier’s film “For Better or For Worse.” It’s a sweet book, romantic and honest. It’s a good one for me to pick up and re-read, and reminds me of that wedding day of ours, nine years ago this September.

I played at the mall with the kids today — we saw the Nancy Drew movie, totally fun, and had lunch. I bought them some little goodies (and I’m enjoying this time, believe me, because it doesn’t take much to keep them happy. Teen years we may not get by so easy).

The other day? They both were thrilled because we’d filled out their summer reading logs and they nabbed two free books from Barnes & Noble. The theme is “Magic Treehouse” and that’s my son’s favorite series ever. Perfect-o. (Only complaint: I wish they’d extend the program to all ages — baby through 18 — and not limit it to school-age kids.)

We got home to no power, crashed, hot ‘n’ bothered computer servers, two limp, miserable cats, but no matter! I got a sample of the new Venus Breeze razor and loads of coupons. (Thank you, Vocalpoint! Keep sending those goodies my way. Go sign up yourself if you want in.) I didn’t buy even one thing for myself at the mall, but who cares? Freebies rock.

But was that all? Oh, no. Also in the mailbag, I had a little box with wee baby goodies from the Thymes Sweetleaf Baby collection — soap, a washcloth, babywash and lotion. So squee and yummy and I’m really happy I don’t have a selfish little baby who wants to share because they’re mine, mine, mine.

Babies are so selfish. They get all the gifts, don’t they?

Oh, my kids, right. OK. I’ll share the babywash with them, but not the rest.

Was that all? No. Thymes is out of Minneapolis, and I love Minneapolis. I will give anyone from there a promo any damn time at all. Woo-hooooooooo, Minnesota! Land of 10,000 Lakes!!! Which is not giving them enough credit, because it’s actually around 15,000 lakes! Along with the baby goodies and tucked away in a separate box was a whole set of tiny little samples. Again — all for me. Because they know I love tiny samples. Thymes makes a whole line of products for bath, body and home. They want to make everyone happy, not just the selfish little babies.

The scents are just over-the-moon and I’m being honest here — I’m not too keen on strong scents. But I took a few for a test drive — Kimono Rose body creme, Persian Pear hand lotion, Azur body milk, Wild Ginger body lotion, oh yum. I smell so yummy. The scents are light, and I’ve got some aroma-therapy going here.

Life is bliss. Carry on.

Reviewed today:

You don’t know. You do not know from love until you’ve read “The Velveteen Rabbit” for the very first time with your five- and seven-year-old, and the Older One is grumbling, “This is stupid” and the Younger One is grousing, “That’s not what I wanted to read” and you almost set the book aside and then you get to the Skin Horse. And he only smiles and says…

“The Boy’s Uncle made me Real,” he said. “That was a great many years ago; but once you are Real you can’t become Unreal again. It lasts for always.”

And you’re only going to read a few pages, but you read the whole thing. And the illustrations are so beautiful, and by the end… the Older One is sighing and tells you, “That was a good book” and the younger one says, “Yeah.” You don’t know from love, until that happens.

Also, you don’t know from love until your husband reads the entire Babysitters’ Club series (all 8,000 of them) with the kids and also the entire Magic Treehouse series (all 8,003 of them) and you don’t have to.

Love. Just love and more love.

Goodnight.

WM

Hockey God forwarded me an e-mail from our Minneapolis buddy, Big T, with a DVD recommendation. And their fashion tips.

They’re cracking me up here.

wm

Big T: Today I’m wearing dark chocolate slacks and a sky blue power shirt. Brown shoes. I got my head shaved last weekend, and I am pert and bouncy in my step.

Hockey God:
Re: Today’s fashion glimpse
Me: earthen green pocket T, faded black jeans, scuffed black slip-on shoes. I haven’t shaved all week, and I need a hair cut. (In other words, I look like shit.)

Big T: What do you mean? That is a good color combination, and you’re growing a beard. The amazing thing to me is that many formal clothes cost less and are more comfortable than “casual” clothes. Case in point: denim jeans. Way too hot, and they cost astronomical sums.

(He’s right! And the DVD pick? The Third Man, with Joseph Cotten and Orson Welles. I can also recommend Jesus Camp and the Naked Brothers Band. OK, those look odd, grouped together. Nonetheless, have a delicious weekend. wm)

Reviewed today:

Wacky Mommy: Another parenting book lands on my desk. And even though I’m allegedly a “mom blogger,” I am feeling a little ‘eh’ about one more parenting book. This one is by Pennywise lead singer Jim Lindberg and it’s about his three adorable little blonde daughters and his sexy, supportive, Bunko-playing wife.

She’s not on the cover, the wife, but I’m assuming those are his kids and not models. Pink-Haired Housewife, have you ever listened to Pennywise?

Pink-Haired Housewife: First of all – no thanks to a bottle of Clairol 121A that was NOT “Dark Brown” as labeled, I am now (Joan) Jett Black-Haired Housewife. The little pot of gold at the end of my shoe polish-head rainbow is that there’a not a grey hair in sight. For now… (more…)

Dear World Wide Web,

I’m tired. I’m working full-time the next two weeks, still waiting to hear on permanent jobs, the kids are getting out of school for the summer soon, we have swim lessons ending and starting right up again, a house torn apart from our awesome painter (no you can’t have his number, I’m keeping him just for us)… weeds to pull, laundry to hang out, fifty more dollars’ worth of gas for the car? Sure thing!

God. I remember having two measly bucks, coasting my Dodge Dart into the gas station for a drink, and praying the attendant would take pity on me and give me an extra buck’s worth. I am that old.

Speaking of — my birthday is coming up. I will be 43. My mother assures me this is not old at all and to please shut up.

A brief round-up, and then I am off to do more laundry and try to figure out where my purse is. (I mean it when I say the house is torn apart. I saw my purse yesterday and haven’t seen it since.) Also, the floors? Trashed. Cooking? Not happening. Dishes? Piled up. So what do you do when you can’t deal with your own house? Go look at the homes of Others. Others Who Can Afford Gardeners and Maids.

My mom and I went on a great tour of gardens this afternoon. My new loves: Baggesen’s Gold shrub honeysuckle, California incense cedar, honey locust, climbing hydrangea, verbena, hostas, candy hearts, clematis… I got so many ideas from the three places where we stopped, I do not know where to start. Perhaps with art. My favorite garden was stuffed full of tiny and big sculptures, pieces of blown glass, decorative stepping stones, everything. It was delightful and a little kooky. But in a genuinely kooky way, not a “Look at me, I’m so kooky!” way. I do not like the “deliberate kook” she is not my style. Wacky Girl went with us and fell in love with the bus stop-sized outdoor hangout that had benches, pillows and shade and everything she’s ever dreamed of, and was just the right size for an almost-8-year-old.

I liked the greenhouse next to it. Ahhhh…

And… in lieu of a real review… next to the DVD player and and next to the nightstand at Wacky House we have:

Punk Rock Dad, by Jim Lindberg (Pennywise lead singer) — totally hilarious read. I’ll give it a full review soon (with help from the Pink-Haired Housewife, I’m hoping) but in the meantime — go pick up a copy. Pick up two and give the extra to a friend. Perfect baby shower gift, anniversary gift or birthday present for the dads (and moms) out there. He’s such a good writer, and so funny.

When the Levees Broke: A Requiem in Four Acts, a Spike Lee Joint, Pick up a copy of this one, too. And please do not forget, when you’re thinking about Darfur and orphans abroad and the movie stars who love them — New Orleans and the South still desperately need our help. Do what you can and do it now.

Sunshine State, directed by John Sayles

Strictly Ballroom, directed by Baz Luhrmann

Onions in the Stew, by Betty MacDonald

Blood Diamond, directed by Edward Zwick

(Yeah, try to figure out how my brain works based on that list.)

Love,

WM

Reviewed today:

“Varieties of Disturbance: Stories” by Lydia Davis

“The Dangerous Book for Boys” by Conn Iggulden and Hal Iggulden

“For the Love of Letters: A 21st-Century Guide to the Art of Letter Writing” by Samara O’Shea

Dragonology: The Complete Book of Dragons (Ologies) by Ernest Drake and Dugald Steer

“Anybody Can Do Anything” by Betty MacDonald

“Behind the Scenes at the Museum” by Kate Atkinson

(more…)

We received samples today in the mail. Samples! I adore samples. TrueBlue Blueberry Juice, named “best new blueberry beverage” by the North American Blueberry Council. They sent the Blueberry/Pomegranate flavor, too.

“I like it. And also, I don’t like it, I love it!” — Wacky Boy

“I really like it, too.” — Wacky Girl (this is high praise from her, as she doesn’t care for juice)

“Good with a shot of vodka, over ice.” — Wacky Mommy

“And how in the world can the words that I said/
send somebody so over the edge/
that they’d write me a letter/
Sayin’ that I better shut up and sing/
or my life will be over”

— Not Ready to Make Nice
Dixie Chicks

I’ve loved the Dixie Chicks since the first time I heard “There’s Your Trouble” in 1998. My favorites for country music are… (more…)

Reviewed today:

Dear Principal of Lousy School:
Yes, I know that y’all miss my kids. Thanks for the call yesterday. They are well-behaved children and don’t cause a ruckus. But you gave us lice. We might come back next week, but I wouldn’t hold my breath. In the future, please send home a letter when you are lousy. Or at least call. Or at least check heads. Anything less is… irresponsible. Which is not a skill we want to learn at school or at home.

Here’s to being a grown-up,
WM

(more…)

I think I was 12 or 13 the first time I read “Memoirs of an Ex-Prom Queen” by Alix Kates Shulman (274 pages; $15; Farrar, Straus & Giroux). It was my mom’s copy — she let me read anything I wanted. Thank you, Mom!

First off, I identified with the book, like most other females have for thirty-five years now (??? what???), even when I got to the intriguing, horrible and mystifying parts (her molestation; her hideous illegal abortion; her running off to upstate New York to wait tables, wherein both a millionaire and the chef fall for her; her European adventure, where she gives her lover “the Clap”; her mishaps in college and marriage). I adored this book then and adore it now. So to have an advance review copy fall in my lap (newest edition; paperback) it was like getting a box of bon-bons.

Laced with Scotch.

(Also, I was fascinated by the author’s name: Alix, not Alex. Kates, not Kathryn or Kate. Exotic! And the character was from Ohio — all of the heroines in other books I was reading where from the West Coast. Or New York. But the Midwest? Intriguing…)

She quotes Emerson, in a Dear John letter to her beau:

“Did I hurt you by leaving without saying goodbye? If so, I’m sorry. I knew you’d understand eventually. I just had to go without anyone’s permission, not even yours. As Emerson says in an unbelievable essay called “Self-Reliance,” I must be myself.”

(Yes! My 12-year-old self thought: Sasha Davis is brilliant! I, too, must be myself!)

OK, no spoilers here, in case you haven’t read this book — but the ending is what you’d expect and not at all what you’d expect. This novel really is a feminist classic.

“‘You’re a sweet boy, George, but I’m off sex.” He probably didn’t even find me pretty.

‘Oh well. It’s been very nice knowing you anyway, Sasha. I liked you.'”

Next up: “Babyproofing Your Marriage,” by Stacie Cockrell, Cathy O’Neill and Julia Stone (289 pages, $24.95, HarperCollins Publishers). Ladies, where have you been for the last ten years? Because I’ve needed some help in learning how to “laugh more, argue less, and communicate better” as my family grows.

Learn about…

“Scorekeeping: An exceedingly complex, often relentless tit-for-tat war waged by husbands and wives…”

“The Ten O’Clock Shoulder Tap: Considered by many men to be a form of foreplay…” and…

“Clash of the Grannies: Who gets to be called ‘Grandma’…” and much more. No wonder it doesn’t seem like it was waaaaaaay back in 1972 when “Ex-Prom Queen” was published — what the hell has changed? We need all the help we can get around here, in the land of Domestic Strife and Chaos.

I also received a review copy of “Good Kids/Bad Habits,” by Dr. Jennifer Trachtenberg ($21.95, 319 pages, HarperCollins Publishers). I don’t even want to find out my RealAge. I’m a bit concerned that I’m actually 77. She includes loads of information about the health crisis our kids are facing. (Hints: No video games, less sugar, more exercise and a better diet is a good start. Just fyi.) Did you know that American kids are facing battles with adult diseases such as high blood pressure, clogged arteries and weak bones? Did you know that this is the first generation that may have a shorter life expectancy than their parents?

On a lighter note, Trachtenberg is opposed to the “five-second rule” (“If the food lands where the bacteria are, it will become contaminated almost immediately”); she is pro-consistency. I think this book is going to be my new Bible for some time to come. She also tackles teens, and who doesn’t need help there? She includes some recipes, some checklists, and some sound advice. And the book includes a comprehensive list of websites for parents and kids. Wacky Girl’s favorite is the Yuckiest Site on the Internet.

After reading these books, I had to scoop up the kids and love on them.

Wacky Boy says, “I will give you a hug first, then one of my special kisses.” (It’s a kiss on one cheek, then the other, then the lips, then you rub noses. It will do you in, a kiss like this.)

“What would I do without you?” I asked.

“I dunno. Cwy?” he says as he runs out of the room. He calls over his shoulder, “You wouldn’t have anyone to teach you everything.”

Now that is for sure.

re: a video they made my daughter’s class watch today:

At the end of the videotape, one of the girls started hissing, “Booooo!” and (this is when the class, as a group, really shines) then the kids yelled (pretty much in unison), “BYE, LOSERS!” (When they’re in the mood for singing, they do a nice medley of “We Are Family,” “Dance to the Music” and “Give Me Some Money.”)

Yours,

WM