Yes, this year takes the cake for this honor. A call, at 10:30 at night on my birthday, from one of my dear (???) friends, who now lives out of state, saying, “I’ve been staying at D’s for the past few days!” (D being my ex, from years and years ago. He was one of those Break Your Heart Into 100 Pieces and Kick It to The Curb types. Yes, she slept with him after we split up. And apparently, still is.)

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“In Hollywood, true love means never having to say, ‘What do you mean my picture is buried on Page 18 of the tabloids?’ So yes, moi believes that Tom and Katie have something real.”

— Miss Piggy, Muppet

I was on vacation so long that I forgot my login! Ha. Also, apparently the server was down and I didn’t notice for four days or something. I was on vacation, it’s allowed!

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“Nobody can be exactly like me. Sometimes even I have trouble doing it.”

– -Tallulah Bankhead, actress (1903-1968)

“The bluebird carries the sky on his back.”

— Henry David Thoreau, naturalist and author (1817-1862)

“i make milk. what’s your superpower?”

“To keep your marriage brimming, With love in the loving cup, Whenever you’re wrong, admit it; Whenever you’re right, shut up.”
— Ogden Nash, author (1902-1971)

“Life gets better after you give up all hope.”
—Anonymous

Yes, I started writing my new book, in case you were wondering. I’ve already written 4,386 words this morning, putting Stephen King and all others to shame. Have you read his writer’s manual? Do, if you’re having problems getting motivated in any or all areas of your life. It’s the best. It’s called “On Writing: A Memoir of The Craft.”

And unlike that skeezy Brenda on “Six Feet Under,” I’m not going to have sex with a bunch of random freaks, write about it on my Mac, and call it a day. I’m writing about vodka lemonade and its relationship to motherhood.

Real Writing. Manly writing. Ha! Hemingway-type writing. Drinking and pounding on the keyboard.

“I think I did pretty well, considering I started out with nothing but a bunch of blank paper.”
— Steve Martin

(Or blank screen, in my case.)

“The music than can deepest reach, / And cure all ill, is cordial speech.”

— Ralph Waldo Emerson, writer and philosopher (1803-1882)

And a tongue twister:

A skunk sat on a stump and thunk the stump stunk, but the stump thunk the skunk stunk.

CHOCOLATE VOLCANO CAKE
8 x 8 inch pan
350 degree oven

1 cup flour
3/4 cup sugar
2 tablespoons cocoa
2 teaspoons baking powder
1/2 teaspoon salt
1 teaspoon vanilla
1/2 cup milk
2 tablespoons oil
1 cup chopped walnuts (optional)
3/4 cup brown sugar
1/4 cup cocoa
1 3/4 cups hot water

Mix first nine ingredients together, spread in pan. Mix brown sugar and cocoa together, sprinkle over top of batter, pour hot water over all, bake for 45 minutes or so. Serve with whipped cream or ice cream. (This recipe doubles well — bake in 9 x 13 inch dish.)