(We’re back from vacation — did you even notice I was gone? Vixen did! xxox WM)

I have no idea what day it is. We’re on vacation. Wait — lemme think. It’s Sunday, August 5th, sometime in the afternoon. We’re on a road trip.

My parents didn’t take me on a whole lot of car trips when I was a kid, because I threw up when they did. Oh, sorry — were you eating? They used to chase me around the room before we drove off, and pour Phenergan down my throat. The Phenergan taste alone made me gag. Years later, when I found out Phenergan came in tablets, I was like, Mom, what the hell?

“Huh,” she said, “I just kept refilling the prescription for your liquid stuff. Who knew?” Jesus.

I’ll spare you details on my sad, sordid past of puking, I’ve already blogged about this topic here and here if you want to read and feel a bit sickish. No, I’m not bulimic, calm down.

My husband? The man has been on more road trips than God. Rainbow Gathering, all over Mexico, Oregon Country Fair, all over the Everglades, camping in the bottom of the Grand Canyon, on bus trips, train trips, you name it. As a kid, his family drove from Pittsburgh, Pa., and later Iowa City, Ia., all over the damn place. They went coast-to-coast, with my husband-to-be, Hockey God, jumping up and down in his playpen in the back of the family VW bus. So when my father-in-law said brilliant idea! Let’s meet in Vail, Colorado (1,300 miles from my home), for a family reunion!… well, my husband and the kids started bouncing up and down and I kind of moaned.

(Why do we not fly? Flying makes me motion sick, too. And you can’t stop the plane to go look at a waterfall. Plus it costs too much now. Plus we get sick — flu and cold virus sick — from the nasty air and germs on planes.)

But good news, Internet! We left on Saturday night (Aug. 4th?) and drove all freaking night while the kids (who both get motion sickness, sometimes) slept like little angels in their car seats. I drove the first shift — 300 miles — my husband drove the second shift — another 300 miles! while I groaned and tried (unsuccessfully) to nap.

(No, nothing works for my motion sickness but Xanax, thanks.)

(No, not even the Sea Bands acupressure bracelets. Or gingersnaps, ginger ale, 7-up, soda crackers! Soda crackers always work! No, they don’t. But Xanax does.) What works best for me is when I drive. So I did. We’re almost halfway there, how cool is that? We checked into a Holiday Inn Express, well-respected for their Froot Loop and cinnamon roll continental breakfast, at 6 a.m. Where are we? I have no idea. Wait, I’ll check.

Twin Falls, Idaho, I am informed. There’s a pool here — I have to wrap this up so we can go swim. The kids are in their suits I just noticed.

Our breakfast choices also included: hard-boiled eggs, fruit yogurt, instant oatmeal, frosted flakes, bagels and jam, bad coffee, six kinds of white bread, biscuits and gravy (more white bread!) and chocolate chip muffins!

I’m psyched.