Fundraising Congregants: “We need your money. And we need a lot of money. And we’ve almost reached our goal, but we still need some more money.”

Jr. Minister: “Now let’s do peace.”

Sr. Minister: “We know you’re all going through hard times, and don’t have jobs, but we need more money.”

Oh, my jaded, jaded, cynical family.

OK. We have this fancy new phone system now, wherein our voicemail messages on the home phone get e-mailed to Steve’s account and mine, too. Which would be useful and all, I suppose, if they made any cussin’ sense. But they don’t. To wit:

“Hi you guys, honey. Am so married already actually isn’t gonna end at five. It went well. I got one and gonna and like after five. We don’t exactly know when but I’ll call you when we know and I’ll leave a message on your way you guys this cell phone. Okay. Alright well, yeah Marilyn, it’s Bennett. It’s gonna and up like 6 inch of. Bye “

Well, good thing it had my daughter’s cell phone number attached to the message, cuz otherwise (to quote my dear grandfather), that wouldn’t have made no damn sense.

She was saying something along the lines of… the birthday party was fun, the mall was fun, the party is (was) still going on (which explains the “isn’t gonna end at five” part) and… it will end around six. At least that’s what I got out of the message from my husband, once he’d talked with her. Telephone is just like the game “telephone,” it turns out. Only more so, nowadays.

Oh, technology, you’ve made life so much more complex than it already was.

Now for a short round-up:

Reading this week:

From the “suffering caused by the lack of wisdom” section of the Hanh’s mindfulness book:

“In the case of a person, try to see every suffering which that person is undergoing. Begin with the suffering of bodily form (sickness, poverty, physical pain) and then proceed to the suffering caused by feelings (internal conflicts, fear, hatred, jealousy, a tortured conscience). Consider next the suffering caused by perceptions (pessism, dwelling on his problems with a dark and narrow viewpoint).” etc. and then, “Meditate on all these sufferings until your heart fills with compassion like a well of fresh water, and you are able to see that the person suffers because of circumstances and ignorance.” (p. 94.)

I am nowhere near that yet, especially when we’re talking about this, that is.

Cuss.

“The Balanced Mom” (by Bria Simpson) was good, but I just wanted a little more there there, if you know what I mean. Just started “The London Eye Mystery” (by the late Siobhan Dowd), it’s great.

Yeah, and he’s a rat bastard, too. Well, former Governor of Oregon, I could just spit. And all of you who knew about it and looked the other way? You think you’re not guilty? O my God, you are so wrong.

God rest her soul, she deserved a lot better. May she rest in peace.

— wm

updated 2/4/2011 to add:

* These a-holes think they’re funny but they’re not. She’s gone now, isn’t that just hilarious? Ha. Ha. Ha. I could just smack someone, y’know? I can think of about a dozen people, including whoever wrote and edited that, who I would like to slap upside the head.

* Margie Boule did a great job reporting and writing this.

* So did Steve Duin. Thank you both, Margie and Steve.

That’s all for now, but it’s not the last we’re going to hear about it. And that’s a good thing. How can I say this? These times we live in, they are far from perfect. But I am grateful that we are living in new times, modern times, more enlightened times. (I’m saying this with a lot of caution and hesitation, as I write the words.) Times when, maybe? please? people aren’t being allowed to just sweep things under the rug and pretend they didn’t happen.

True? Maybe. And that’s about as optimistic as I’m going to get on this.

— wm

“I never did a day’s work in my life. It was all fun.” — Thomas Edison, American inventor (1847-1931)

(that’s how i feel about my library work, i am happy to say. xo wm)

“Every burned book or house enlightens the world; every suppressed or expunged word reverberates through the earth from side to side.” — Ralph Waldo Emerson, writer and philosopher (1803-1882)

“If you talk to a man in a language he understands, that goes to his head. If you talk to him in his language, that goes to his heart.” — Nelson Mandela, activist, South African president, Nobel laureate (b. 1918)

“Everyone, in some small sacred sanctuary of the self, is nuts.” — Leo Rosten, author (1908-1997)

conversation between my ma, my son, and me:

Mom: “I’m going to the movies this weekend. We’re going to see this one about Mother Maybelle and the Carters…”

Wacky Boy: “You gonna see ‘Little Fockers’?”

Mom: “No, no we’re not. It’s about the Carter Family, you know them?”

me: “Sure he does!” (i start singing “Keep on the Sunny Side.” He shushes me. Yes, he’s nearly nine and he shushes us.)

Wacky Boy: “So why aren’t ya gonna see ‘Little Fockers’?”

Mom: “I’m just not that sophisticated, I guess.”

And the winners are…

(thanks, Zoot, for the tip!)

— wm

Qanzas asked me awhile back how the “Everything Buddhism” book is and I completely forgot to answer him. It’s great. I am just now starting the section on karma. I read it aloud to my family and they were laughing their asses off.

“Sometimes you intentionally set out to cause harm with no malice in your heart whatsoever. You might decide to whack your dog over the head with a big stick because he won’t sit when you tell him to. You may even believe you are doing the dog some good, as he will have better manners and be better behaved. However, you are intentionally harming another creature, and this cannot be construed as a positive action.” (pp. 80-81.)

Steve’s interpretation: “As I rained down blows on and around the dog’s head I thought to myself, ‘Goddamn, there has got to be a better way.'” (Kids at that point fell off their barstools.) (No, they hadn’t had anything to drink, don’t worry.)

“It is mental volition, O monks, that I call karma. Having willed, one acts through body, speech or mind.” — The Buddha (p. 81.)

And now, a word about the Cursing Mommy, aka that assclown Ian Frazier. I hate that bitch. The End. Did you happen to read “A Cursing Mommy Serenity Prayer”? Well, you know what Mr. Frazier? Plagiarism is wrong. That’s all I have to say. Now stop reading my blog and find your own goddamn material somewhere else. Or split down your paychecks with me. Either way is fine, but buddy, you need to not continue down the road to ruin. Thief. Dirty hippie.

Now on to more important matters: “Waiting for Normal,” by Leslie Connor. My kid and I love this book and you should read it. Even if you’re a grown-up who doesn’t have kids, or a gothy teenager who only reads those books involving blood, piercings and wrecked cars, you should still read it. Especially if you’re that teenager you should read it.

“The Man Who Loved Books Too Much” is about a dirty thief who steals books using other people’s credit cards and by writing bad checks. As near as I can tell, he does not actually read any books. This makes him something like two of my ex’s who liked the way the books looked “fancy” on the shelf but never actually “opened one up.” People like that need to just stop their thievin’ and fakin’, sit down and read a damn library book. That they’ve checked out on their own card. After they’ve paid their cussing fines. Then they need to return the book, on time, once they’re done.

The End.

Love,

Wacky Mommy