tell me and I will try to deliver.

Friday Advice Column?

The kids?

Thursday 13?

More tears?

More orgasms?

What?

Tell me now, bitte. Por favor. Pretty please.

Have a good week, wouldja?

xxox

wm

Hello, my lovelies, how is your weekend? It is sunny and bright and out of sight over here. Wacky Girl, her best friend, Miss Honey Butt’s Daughter, and my husband and partner for life are all at piano lessons. That sounds like I’m talking about 5 people but really I’m just talking about 3, although they have so much enthusiasm and energy for life that it’s pretty much like dealing with 5 people not just 3. Or as Planet Nomad would say, “This sentence is too long so I’ll start over.”

I’m doing laundry.

Nothing but a cocktail party on the street over here, just sayin’.

We figured out what we’re doing for the holidays! Well, for part of the holidays, anyway. The Xmas part. Miss Honey Butt and family are coming over, along with my mommy, sister, brother-in-law and hopefully no dogs or additional cats. And now, since I seem to be stuck in the ’80s…

Dr. Peter Venkman: This city is headed for a disaster of biblical proportions.

— “Ghost Busters” (1984)

xxox

wm

My blog’s top 10 search keywords:

to? the? my? For real? Because it seems like if you typed those words in you’d come up with a whole lot more than just my blog.

I can’t tell you anything lately, Internets. It saddens me. Because I would like to regale you with tales of this and that and her and my and to and the, but I just can’t. And I think you can probably figure out why.

I have a job now.

My creativity is going in another direction at the moment and being stifled here at Wacky Mommy Headquarters.

STIFLED.

I have to go now.

love,

wm

Today we had facials. Da-da-daaaaaaaaaaa. We did not go to church. Here are three books for you to read:

Recommended:

That’s all, just three books. Why do I like these? I say they’re good. Du-du-duuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuun.

(Edited with a note from her mother: I am looking forward to the new Pippi, with illustrations by one of our favorite artists and writers, Lauren Child. But the others? No, they are no good. That’s why I took them off my library shelves and discarded them all.)

I SAY THEY ARE GOOD. Cuz they are really good — the writing is nice and scary in Goosebumps. In Rotten School, it’s like… yeah. It’s really, like, um… I just like them. All kids do, actually. That’s all.

See you later,

Wacky Girl

That does not fully express my pain over here. My pain at finally having a minute to blog for the first time this week and NOT BEING ABLE TO LOG IN because MY BLOG IS TOAST AT THE MOMENT.

I used to just reboot the server and all was well, we’d be up and running. Then a couple weeks ago received word from Hockey God, aka Master of My Domain, that went like this, “Jesus Christ,” (he always calls me that. It’s kinda weird), “I told you, do not reboot. You could take down the entire universe if you do that.” (My power, it astounds me.) “I told you that. I’ve told you that like four times. It will reboot automatically.”

Guess what? It hasn’t. And now all I’m getting is a note that says ERROR ESTABLISHING A DATABASE CONNECTION.

Honestly.

So you’re probably all out there thinking, Girlfriend has quit the blog. Or that I’m trapped under a large stack of books that fell from the shelves and crushed me, and I’ve Fallen And I Can’t Get Up.

Also, I have this song going on in my head, it’s so groovin’ and very ’80s, no? I hear the ’80s are “hip” again so hot damn, let’s break out the Firm!

I mean — look at that hair. Listen to Jimmy Page. Wow. What’s next? Dokken? Quiet Riot? I have no idea, I just like a catchy riff, don’t you?

All for now, until Steve wakes up. I’ve been awake since 5 a.m. It’s my new schedule, and will not adjust itself for the weekend. Whatever. I like the peace and quiet.

But not my inability to access my own frickin’ blog. That I can do without.

Rock on, Internets.

love,

wm

YAY, he fixed it. Thank you, thank you, we’re live.

* Now that I’m working all the time, I’m boycotting the laundry. Sadly, when you are working outside the home, you need clean clothes more than ever. Will let you know when/if I find solution.

* Wacky Girl still on a campaign to rid the house of the following words: frickin’, freakin’, effin’ and the word they stand in for. Campaign so far is going well. It’s for the best. I can’t talk that way at my school — why should I talk that way in front of my own kids?

* (stops for a moment to come up with a new slogan: Wacky Mommy: Now With Less Effin’!)

* I went out for sushi with A last night. I ate almost an entire platter of sushi by myself, then ordered vegetable tempura. I love sushi.

* I think I have that disease where you can’t stop talking. Poor A.

* Still cracking up over the following: A two-year-old approaches the penguin suit he’s wearing for Halloween, sizes it up, asks it, “How you doin’?” Oh. My. God. My little cousin is a funny, funny guy. That needs to be on video, getting sent off to America’s Funniest.

* Gotta go, Spocky.

wm

Seriously. What are you wearing right now? I’m still in my work clothes (nice jeans and a black v-neck t-shirt) but within minutes will be changing into old pajama bottoms and a tank top.

My training went super good — learned a lot, had a couple of fast one-on-ones, and talked about all the serious stuff too. Libraries are serious stuff, especially when they’re under-funded or de-funded entirely.

I will spare you the details, but please support your school, local and college libraries. Love Your Local Librarian. Ooh, I need to make up some new bumperstickers!

Also, read to the kids, and listen to them read. They will love it and you will, too. Especially if it’s this book. This is the funniest book the kindergartners and I have ever read in our lives. Tulip underpants!!! ROFLOAO!!!

For the weekend, we have planned too much, as always. I desperately seek my workplace on Monday a.m.’s just to get a break from Chaos That Is Our Weekend Schedule. Laundry, chores, yardwork, tomatoes. Book fairs, pumpkin patches, parties I am too tired to attend, church??? I wouldn’t mind going to church again. I actually enjoy church — I don’t see it as a chore or something on my “to do” list. This weekend Hockey God has a big conference where he’s been invited to speak. (When I asked him what it was about, he said, and I’m quoting here, “Some newspaper guys want to know about blogging.”) Turns out it’s SPJ. Yeah, “some newspaper guys.” He’s funny, that boy.

What am I forgetting? Cats to the vet, work that I brought home, Christmas shopping? Wait! We’re not doing any this year. We’re skipping it all — presents for each other, the kids, the extended family — and, along with my sis and bro-in-law, and my mom, we’re making a donation to the Oregon Food Bank.

People who are hungry will get fed, and I don’t have to shop, wrap, ship, etc. (Private note to my in-laws: Don’t send gifts. Please send checks to the food bank, instead.)

I’m asking you — and be honest here — Do you really need more stuff? We need more love, and food, and shelter. That’s about it. And puppies, we need more puppies. But we’re not getting ’em, over here. Sigh.

Peace OUT,

WM

I may do yardwork this fine, sunny fall weekend.

I may not.

I may go to church for the first time in months.

I may sleep in with Hockey God.

It’s always good to have options, no?

Whatever you do this weekend, I hope it is relaxing and fun.

love,

wm

Seriously. What happened to my brain? OK, a short list, then I go to work.

* The weather is sunny and HOT here in Portland, Ore. Go figure. What’s next, the smelt running?

* The kids are settling into first-grade and fourth-grade really well. A little too well. My daughter: “I know, Mom. My babies!”

* My babies!!!

* It was our tenth wedding anniversary. We went to the beach. The ocean was right there in our faces. The coast line is changing. Yikes.

* It was our girl’s birthday, so the celebration was for her, too. It’s a cocktail party on the street over here every September, what with the anniversary, the birthday, school starting, the realization that it’s almost fall and all we did all summer was water the garden and watch TV.

* Hockey God: “Did we even go to the beach this summer, other than right now?” Me: “Uhhh…” Wacky Girl: “We went last Easter.”

* We went to Depoe Bay, the “Smallest Harbor in the Universe” and watched the ships come and go. Did not see the whale the lady was trying to point out to us, “There! Past the rocks, about 300 yards…” Approximately 200 whales a year don’t mess with the roadtrip to Alaska, they just kick it at Depoe Bay, then head back to Mexico. Two hundred whales, you think we’d see one. It’s not like they’re tiny. Nope. Did see a large sea lion.

* If you have braces, you cannot eat the following: kettle corn, carmel corn, popcorn, caramel apples, fudge, salt water taffy. My poor kid.

* Also went to the Oregon Coast Aquarium and saw crazy fish and seal lions and otters and those adorable little snowy plovers.

* Went for lunch at Gracie’s Sea Hag (in beautiful downtown Depoe Bay) because, you know. It seemed appropriate. They play the Chicken Dance song on bottles and rock out. Our waitress was adorable.

* I gotta stop now or I’ll be late for work. What’s new with you, Internets?

love,

wm