If you wish to be happy for one hour, get drunk.
If you wish to be happy for three days, get married.
If you wish to be happy for a month, kill your pig and eat it.
If you wish to be happy forever, learn to fish.
— Chinese Proverb

So last night I’m making dinner — homemade mac and cheese, a zucchini/tomato/garlic and onion saute, just a nice little meal, and WB tells me, “You are the kind of bad mommy who never feeds her kids.”

In case you were wondering.

ttfn, off to gamble and drink,

WM

“No more blah, blah, blah!”
— Kirk, “Miri”, stardate 2713.6

So, if you tell The Internet about the fibroid tumors, polyps, possibly melon-sized Alien Growths in your uterus… well, you have to follow up.

THERE WAS NOTHING THERE! They did big intrusive owie “procedures” today, and the verdict?

“Your uterus is beautiful.” Awwww, say it again? I am pretty happy about this — over the moon, more like — but what the hell? So it was just this one little Human Oddity, apparently — snip, snip, done.

Fine with me. Hormonal upheaval? Yeah. What else is new?

Sorry for the scare, Internet.

xxox

WM

Wacky Grandmas and Aunties who bring over a DVD of “The Apple Dumpling Gang,” spaghetti for dinner, cookies and ice cream and microwave popcorn for dessert, and stay all entire evening, thus freeing Wacky Parents to go on a freakin’ fancy dinner cruise aboard the Portland Spirit, and tour the Willamette from downtown Portland to Lake Oswego. Yes, that’s who rocks — relatives who are willing to do this.

We went to the Lotus Cardroom for a drink beforehand, drank at dinner, and, that’s right, had hot toddies with dessert. Wow, do I love a Hot Apple Pie drink. Almost as much as “The Apple Dumpling Gang.” I had a nice piece of salmon, which WD did not refer to, cheerfully, as “the only endangered species you can eat” (he, like, has to say this every time I eat salmon, so I appreciate his restraint). He had spinach manicotti. Both dishes had a fancy little sidedish of spaghetti squash, with shredded zucchini and carrots. Mine had rice pilaf and some fancy ginger sauce with… who knows, cuz I was likkered up by then. But it was delicious. And for you Booze Cops in the crowd, no we did not drive. We took the train. Which made WD even happier cuz damn — the boy loves all the various modes of transportation. I prefer a Cadillac Escalade, but that’s just me.

ttfn,

WM

ps — C, did you and R get any of the seven boxes I sent you? Do you think I’m insane? Just wondering. I have more to send, week after this. xxox wm

You know how many parents volunteer in Wacky Girl’s class, out of 28 kids? That’s right, just me. Freaking slackers. Like I want to go? No, I don’t. I’d rather watch last night’s episode of “Lost” again. (Rose… he’s alive!!!! But you knew that…) It’s raining again. I don’t even want to leave the house. Wacky Grandma has Wacky Boy today. The house is extremely quiet. I adore this.

Also, I just posted this on Amalah’s site (we were talking stretch marks).

Skin Cream Recipe for Pregnant and Post-Partum Girls

My husband, Wacky Daddy, made a nice skin cream for me (I used it throughout pregnancy and after) of 1 part cocoa butter and 2 parts coconut oil, and a small vial of Vit. E oil. I kept it in a peanut butter jar and it smelled yummy. I don’t know if it decreased the stretch marks and c-section scarring, but it made me not so itchy.

And more on my volunteer efforts (yes, that’s right, I’m kicking everyone’s ass on this today) — I just packed up about half my house and mailed it to my New Orleans friend R. Not literally half — I couldn’t figure out how to ship her our old high chair and crib, short of hiring a moving crew, but I sent her a bunch of toys, clothes, books, CDs, videos, kitchen stuff, spiral notebooks, yadda yadda. The post office gave me a discount for the boxes that were just books. Least they can do. I suggest you all do something similar. Send it c/o a friend, a relative, a friend of a friend, one of the shelters, Salvation Army, whatever. Call around and see if the Red Cross can take stuff there for you. The National Guard has been hauling backpacks with school supplies and distributing them. Call around and find out some options — It’s worth it. Send me an e if you get something going on, or just post.

Off to eat cafeteria lunch now — Terikyaki Beef Bites. Nummy! What would Emeril say?

xxox

WM

Have gone back to original plan — will drink heavily until both children are in school full days.

— WM

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News Flash from Wacky Girlfriend N:

“Scientology couple John Travolta and Kelly Preston are urging Katie Holmes to have a ‘silent birth’ when she delivers fiance Tom Cruises’s baby next year and follow the church’s strict doctrines. That means no music, no chatting and no expressions of pain from the mother. Kelly sez: ‘It’s just because everything in moments of pain is really recorded and you want to have that (the birth) peaceful and clear of the sort of suggestions or different words that can then affect them (babies) in their future.'”

N sez: “Kinda like me sayin’ “Get this GDMF thing outta me!!!” “holy crap! 10 pounds!!” “It’s a friggin linebacker!!” oh yes, it warped my children…………….can you IMAGINE having no expressions of pain? MUST …. HAVE … GOOD… DRUGS…..hope you are having a good day………….I had to share this………..still LOL

“…if it hadn’t been/
for Cotton Eyed Joe/
i’d have been married/
a long time ago/
where did you come from/
where did you go/
where did you come from/
Cotton Eyed Joe…”

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Contractors almost finished — they just have a railing to put up on the porch and are done.

Have been researching fibroids, ie — calling all my Wacky Girlfriends and saying “WTF?” and looking at scary pictures on the Internet.

Sometimes fibroids get as big as potatoes, sometimes as big as melons. Sometimes you have to have your uterus removed, along with Alien Growth, sometimes you stop growing them when you hit menopause, sometimes they just stay small and “hang out in there,” as one Wacky Girlfriend put it. Yeesh.

I need to go bake cookies now. Too depressed about this. Here’s a recipe:

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