(We have a guest columnist today — Wacky Girl. WM)

I can write by myself!

(OK, here we go… WM)

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Yes, we have pinkeye again. The pets are not to blame for this one. Don’t read further if you’re eating…

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“The most important thing she’d learned over the years was that there was no way to be a perfect mother and a million ways to be a good one.”

— Jim Churchill, “Grime and Punishment”

My WM Living Will is as follows:

A “Do Not Resuscitate” order is a fine idea, but damn, if I get hit by a bus or something and am unconscious in the street, get me to the hospital, please. “Sorry! She said she didn’t want heroic measures.” “Yeah, we should respect her wishes, she’d want us to…”

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And now for the Friday Advice Column for Neurotic Mothers and Others:

Dear Wacky Mommy,
Please help me with this interesting dilemma. My son who is almost 10 has started to feel very comfortable lounging around in his underwear . . . way too comfortable. Neither my husband or myself has done anything to instigate this behavior. We remain fully clad while we are awake and have NEVER just laid around the house in our undies. Both of us will suggest that he get some additional clothing on ie: pajamas or a shirt, but he tunes us out and conveniently forgets what we suggested. I had a friend while growing up whose dad felt very comfortable in this attire and it really grossed me out. I would like to nip this behavior in the bud, before my young man starts wistfully asking for “beeeer” just like Homer J. Simpson. Please help me!

Signed,

Homie’s Mom

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The Winterhawks lost tonight, 3-2 against the Everett Silvertips, in case anyone was wondering. It is a dark, bleak evening over here at Wacky Hockey House.

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“I can feel for her because, although I have never been an Alaskan prostitute dancing on the bar in a spangled dress, I still got very bored with washing and ironing and dishwashing and cooking day after relentless day.”
— Betty MacDonald, 1945

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Please rest in peace, Terry Schiavo.

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Friday Advice Column for Neurotic Mothers and Others:

Today it’s Wacky Mommy’s turn to ask for advice:

How do I find inner peace and tranquility, or at the very least keep up with the laundry?

The sex offender who lives across the street from my beloved Wacky Sister got his sorry ass hauled off to jail this week!!!!!!

Let’s hope he never comes back. Thank you for your Wacky Mama-ness that helped make this possible. (I believe in the power of positive thinking. And he positively needed to go back to jail.)