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No Arguing With Assclowns on the Internet Day (NAWACOTID) is an international netizen holiday and antidote to common internet trolls, cranks and kooks. You know, assclowns! Shirts available now; blog coming soon to NAWACOTID.com!



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Friday: Random Play

November 30th, 2007

* I’m listening to Tracy Chapman’s version of, “3 Little Birds,” Van Morrison, “How Long Has This Been Going On,” and Elvis Costello, “Every Day I Write the Book.”

* Just talked with Planet Nomad; they are back from California safe and sound, studying French and enjoying the rain.

* Hockey God and my mother-in-law just ran the kids to school. She’s here for four days which means… I GET TO WRITE WHILE SHE AND MY HUSBAND, HER SON, WATCH THE KIDS.

* My kids are blessed, blessed and extremely spoiled rotten by four grandparents (3 grandmas and 1 grandpa) who are all playful, talented, and good-looking, to boot. (The blue eyes, the kooky mannerisms, the musical obsessions, the love of books — they get all of it from their grandparents.) Before school, Wacky Boy and Grandma were playing with transformers.

Her: “Look! This one turns into a guy, then back into a car, then back into a guy again!”

Wacky Boy, eyes shining and looking at her adoringly: “YES.

She also admired the “fossils” that the kids made for her out of plaster-of-paris and seashells. Tonight we’re having dinner with my mom and sister. In the meantime…

* …I write. More fiction.

* Hey, is NoPoMoFoMamaLamaDingDong over today? It was fun.

Happy Friday, yins.

WM

QOTD — Zora Neale Hurston

November 29th, 2007

“I do not weep at the world — I am too busy sharpening my oyster knife.”

– Zora Neale Hurston

Thursday Thirteen Ed. # (yikes) 121: Tell Me A Little About Yourself

November 28th, 2007

Thursday 13ers and all you Usual Suspects,

Come over here. Let’s talk. It’s always me, me, me around here. Yadda-yadda-blip. Here are…

Thirteen Things I Wanna Know About You

1) Who are you?

2) Where do you live?

3) Have you been sleeping well?

4) Do you still cuddle with a teddy bear? Did you ever?

5) If you could be a candy bar, which one would it be?

6) Do you miss me when I don’t post? Wait, I always post. Invalid question. (I’ve almost made it through November.) (Oh, that first post! It was so long ago.) Um. Do you get sick of hearing me talk?

7) Which blogs are your favorites?

8) What do you do for “real” work, or do you make so much money off your site that this is your “real” job?

9) What’s your secret? Tell me now. I’ll wait.

10) What’s your lucky number?

11) What’s your favorite side dish?

12) Favorite movie?

13) Last time you shaved?

14 — bonus question!) Will you please go buy a NAWACOTID or Wacky Mommy T-shirt from me? Thank you! (Shamless hussy.)

Please answer any or all of these questions in comments, or e me if you’re shy. Happiest Thursday to you.

Love,

WM

No Arguing with Assclowns on the Internet Day!! Today!!

November 28th, 2007

Celebrate your freedom to say, “You’re right! Why didn’t I see this all along?”

Who’s in? Check here.

(Looks like Kevin Allman’s in, too.) Oooh, he’s handsome. Go tell him hi.

You may be asking yourself, “Why not fight? I like to fight!” Yeah, me, too. And Hockey God? Always down for a good fight, especially when it’s the Portland Winter Hawks vs. Seattle. Here are 13 reasons not to fight. And the post that started it all

If you’re in, send me your url and I’ll add you. We’re going to have a new blog, dedicated solamente to NAWACOTID, up and running next week.

Besos,

WM

trashed carpet & meth freaks in the garage

November 27th, 2007

(Go buy a No Arguing with Assclowns T-shirt, would ya? Awesome Christmas gift for the wild ones in your life.)

When, pray tell, did buyers start getting a “carpet allowance” when buying a house with a trashed rug?

Back in my day… why you’d better… you had to… (sputter, sputter). Seriously — the first house I bought? It was a drug house. (Not a lab, they just dealt there.) (And shot up.) (And raised snakes, along with a mangy cat, scrawny pit bull and one huge pink pig.) (No, I’m not making that up.) (It was in my price range.) Anyway — trashed carpet? You haven’t seen trashed carpet until you’ve seen one that an un-housebroken pet pig and pit bull have gotten ahold of. I did not receive said “carpet allowance.” There were meth heads living in the garage for five days after we changed the locks and took possession of the house. The cops wouldn’t help, the realtors wouldn’t help. We had to bring in friends and relatives for back-up. It was so nuts. I had to forcibly evict the animals (and their pets) myself. Thank you, I do kick ass.

Why should I put in new carpets when whoever buys the place is going to say, oh ick, carpet. We must have chestnut floors! (To them I say: We have no pet pig here. You git what you git and you don’t have a fit.) Then (likely scenario) they tear it out — the new carpet I paid big cash for — and throw it in the landfill. Brand. New. Carpet.

That is just wasteful and wrong.

I had this discussion (with my husband, with our realtor, with our friends who have sold their places, with my sister) and finally gave in, as you may remember. We have new carpet. It is wheat-colored. It is warm and sunny.

“Is it because of all those home shows?” my sister asked me. “No one’s happy now unless they have granite countertops and a jacuzzi spa?” I think she’s got a point.

Our awesome painter is here today, doing some touch-up work. No, I will not install new patios (per the request of Realtor 2), or prune everything to two feet tall (per the request of Realtor 1). Realtor 3? So great. Gave us a short list of must-do’s, a longer list of maybe-do’s, and told us to put as much of our junk as we can into storage, to make the place look bigger.

Me? I’m cleaning daily, and we’re keeping up with the dishes and laundry. House goes on the market next month. (Fingers crossed.)

Have you ever sold a house? When did you say, “Enough”? What did potential buyers bitch about the most?

not posting

November 26th, 2007

writing fiction today…

love,

wm

Book Review: Richard Avedon: The Kennedys Portrait of a Family; Feng Shui: The Book of Cures; Downsizing Your Home with Style

November 25th, 2007

Richard Avedon took some pictures on January third, 1961 in Palm Beach, Florida. They were nice photos. So nice, in fact, that people are still poring over them, almost fifty years later. They were of the most famous four of the Kennedys — Jack, Jackie, Caroline and little John-John, and he took them at the family’s compound. They were gorgeous photos, of course. Have you ever seen a bad photo of any of them? You’ll find sad photos, sometimes, but never bad ones. So you have a brilliant photog, coupled with one of the most photogenic families of all time. Excellent set-up. The original pix ran in LOOK and in Harper’s Bazaar, and you’ve seen a few of them here and there. But the entire shoot, with proof sheets? That’s something you haven’t seen before, and that’s what you get with this collection from the Smithsonian. (Collins Design, $29.95, 127 pages.)

It’s the ultimate coffee table book and a nice holiday gift, for yourself or someone else.

Next up for gift ideas: Feng Shui — a complete house re-do would be nice, or at the very least one of those sweet little ceramic tiles that says JOY or BLISS or something. Those are good — they look nice just about anywhere — on a shrine, in the entryway, on a nightstand, paired with one perfect white tea light. Yes, dear, as long as we’re at it, let’s talk about the concept of feng shui. Mine is a mess. Nancilee Wydra gives us “150 simple solutions for health and happiness in your home or office.” (McGraw-Hill, 276 pages.) The cure for my karmic twist-up can be found on page 26:

“To be in the Tao is to be connected. Whether your home is rural, suburban, or urban, to feel deeply at peace you should feel positively enmeshed with your surroundings.”

I. Do. Not. The immediate surroundings? Yes, enmeshed. Beyond that? No.

Thus, we continue packing. We’ve moved more things into storage. We’re still hashing out the whole do we or do we not decorate for the holidays? I say, no. Hockey God and kids say, yes. I’ll let you know how it turns out. In the meantime, how do you feel about pre-lit, fake Christmas trees? Yay or nay? Please advise.

Lauri Ward’s book, “Downsizing Your Home with Style: Living Well in a Smaller Space,” was just the handbook I needed and received a few weeks ago. (Collins, $24.95, 182 pages.) Turns out when you’re packing and repacking, painting and patching up, pruning, mowing, raking and tidying — you can get burned-out pretty dang fast. I’ve got a second burst of adrenaline from reading Ward’s tips. (I appreciate, too, that she gave buying tips — stores, prices — for furniture, containers, screens, etc., but was discreet about it, with product round-ups at the ends of the chapters.) I have been devouring this book. And it’s a little mis-titled. It could have just as easily fit under the categories of simplifying your life, home decor, or “how to get your tail in gear and pack to move.”

A few suggestions:

*If downsizing, stick with a bed that does not have a footboard. (Also nice if you’re looking for clean lines in a room.)

* Using artwork properly means not hanging things too high and not scattering it all over the place, and always leaving one blank wall for the eye to rest on. (Extra tip: Hold up the art where you think it should go, then lower it three inches.)

* Try for multi-sectioned furniture when possible to add versatility.

* With limited space, a writing table can take the place of a larger desk and offer a comfortable place to work on a laptop or write thank-you notes.

Happy reading.

WM

Would You Like to Swing On A Star?

November 24th, 2007

I would like to swing on a star, if it meant getting out of the house.

Also, I would like to point out that a whole week off for Thanksgiving is an awfully long break. (We had conferences for two days, beginning of week, so it wasn’t such a long break for the staff.) If we had traveled for the holiday, it would have been just right, but since we stayed home? And I had (have) bronchitis? It was a long haul. The kids are squirrelly, Hockey God’s birthday was not all it could have been, but I’m not wheezing like I was.

As one of my girlfriends phrased it, listening to me over the phone, “Oh, good. You’re wheezing on the inhale and the exhale.”

Happy Saturday, everyone. Salud.

QOTD

November 23rd, 2007

“How can you prove whether at this moment we are sleeping, and all our thoughts are a dream; or whether we are awake, and talking to one another in the waking state?”

– Plato

Thursday Thirteen, Ed. #120: A Little About Us

November 21st, 2007

HAPPY THANKSGIVING, Y’ALL! wm

Thursday Thirteeners and Usual Suspects,

That Vixen. She kills me. She tagged me for a meme, “A Little About Us.” Cuz you know — Hockey God and I wrote the book of love. Steve, mi amor, I adore you.

The basic facts: (more…)

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