(Photo by Steve Rawley)

Honey is not vegan, fyi.

I saved this article from Thee O last summer. I like how writer Grant Butler has been covering veganism. He’s uncovered and shared some good recipes, including these. We made the sauce and quesadillas last week — they turned out great. I skipped the brownies recipe, cuz I made Mexican Wedding Cakes (with miniature chocolate chips stirred in) for a thing at school. (You can make those vegan, by the way, by subbing margarine for the butter.)

OK, where was I? Fresh corn isn’t available yet, so I subbed frozen. It was fine. We left out the sweetener, too. After the quesadillas were served up, we topped with avocado slices and sour cream. Also I used Monterey Jack cheese, not fake cheese. So technically, they weren’t vegan.

Vegan Policeman #2: [whips out notepad.] 12:47 on February 1st: You knowingly ingested gelato.
Todd Ingram: Gelato isn’t vegan?
Vegan Policeman #1: It’s milk and eggs, bitch.
Vegan Policeman #2: [still reading.] On April 4th, 7:30 pm, you partook of a plate of chicken parmesan.
[Envy gasps, then glares at Todd.]
Todd Ingram: [feeble.] Chicken isn’t vegan?

— from “Scott Pilgrim vs. the World”

But they did come pretty close to tasting like our favorite sincronizadas from El Palenque and mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm indeed.

With the leftover filling, I made enchiladas. Super good, especially with the chili paste I made awhile back and kept in the freezer. (Recipe: My girlfriend sent home a big bag of dried red chiles with us last time we were in L.A. Here’s what I did with them: Remove stems and seeds; put in a big bowl and top with boiling water. Let steep 20 minutes or so? Then puree in blender or food processor, with as much water as you need. Freeze. To make sauce, blend up a can of whole tomatoes or a bowl full of fresh tomatoes. Add as much chili paste as you would like; blend again. I might have put a little cumin, salt, pepper and sugar in, too. Voila!)

(Here’s my enchilada recipe, but good luck finding it.)

Summer Succotash Quesadillas With Nacho Mmmm Sauce

Makes 4 to 6 servings. Dunk, dip or drizzle. Just don’t forget about the sauce.

Ingredients
Filling

1 sweet onion, sliced
1 ear fresh corn, kernels cut from cob
1 red bell pepper, seeded and diced
1 zucchini, cut into 1/2-inch dice
1 clove garlic, minced
1/4 cup water
2 teaspoons lemon or lime juice
1/2 teaspoon maple syrup or agave syrup
1/2 teaspoon ground cumin
Salt and freshly ground black pepper
Sauce:
2/3 cup salsa, store-bought or homemade
1/3 cup water
1/4 cup raw almonds
1/4 cup canned garbanzo beans, drained and rinsed
1/4 cup nutritional yeast
2 tablespoons lemon juice
1 teaspoon minced garlic
1/4 teaspoon salt
1 teaspoon chili powder
1 teaspoon ground cumin
1 teaspoon dried cilantro or 1 to 2 tablespoons chopped fresh cilantro
8 whole-grain tortillas
1 cup shredded nondairy cheese (such as Daiya pepper-jack)

Instructions

To make filling: Place a large skillet sprayed with nonstick cooking spray or lightly coated with oil over medium high heat. Add onion and cook for 7 to 8 minutes, until softened and starting to brown.

Add corn, bell pepper and zucchini to the pan with the onion, along with garlic, water, lemon juice, maple or agave syrup and cumin. Cook the succotash down for an additional 10 minutes, stirring occasionally. Season to taste with salt and pepper.

To make sauce: In a food processor or blender combine salsa, water, almonds, garbanzo beans, nutritional yeast, lemon juice, garlic, salt, chili powder, cumin and cilantro. Blend until smooth. Refrigerate until serving.

Place another large skillet sprayed with cooking spray or lightly coated with oil over medium high heat and add one tortilla. Top with 2 tablespoons cheese. Add about 1/3 cup of succotash filling. Top with another 2 tablespoons of cheese and another tortilla.

Cook for several minutes on both sides, until tortilla is crisp and cheese is melty.

Repeat with remaining tortillas, cheese and filling. Serve with Nacho Mmmm Sauce.

PER SERVING (based on 6): calories: 363 (28% from fat); protein: 19.4 grams; total fat: 11.1 grams; saturated fat: 1.8 grams; cholesterol: 0; sodium: 900 mg; carbohydrate: 51.6 grams; dietary fiber: 7.1 grams

From Sarah Matheny

ps Here’s Sarah’s blog.

So. You think they’re atoning today for Yom Kippur? Neil Goldschmidt, Sandra Mims Rowe, Peter Bhatia? And all of their cronies who helped them cover up years of sexual abuse?

I think they probably are not. (Here are Neil and his buddies, yucking it up at late Senator Mark O. Hatfield’s funeral.) (Sometimes, people try to make you look bad, and sometimes you look bad all by your own self.)

Rest in peace, sweet girl. You deserved a lot more. I send you love, and peace.

– wm

You know why I still subscribe to the newspaper? (We take three, actually — west side paper, Street Roots (homeless guys’ newspaper) and Thee Oregonian.) Four reasons: 1) Page One of the funny papers. 2) Page Two of the funny papers 3) obits (“hatched, matched and thatched,” as my dear departed Granny said of the birth, wedding and death notices) and 4) the FoodDay section.

I am sucker for recipes, y’all who have been reading me for awhile know that. Today, along comes this cute hippie guy, making some vegetarian burritos for himself and his girlfriend. Awwwwwwww… just like Stevie and me! So I had to make some for lunch and some to put in the freezer. Of course I only had the burrito-size tortillas, and no sweet potatoes. And I was too lazy to fry up some new potatoes. And I wanted to add rice, anyway, so forget about the spuds.

Also, I used some El Pato and tomato sauce, and did them enchilada-style.

What else? I subbed collards for kale, due to the fact that we had no kale in the fridge. But Steve’s not crazy about kale, anyway, so it’s all good! (As the hippies say. “It’s all good hemp!”)

Other than that, I followed the recipe exactly. So there you go. Steve had a nice, home-cooked lunch, and we have a pan of enchilada/burritos in the freezer. This working from home thing rocks. I have had a hard time with it, in the past, keeping on a schedule, getting the writing/editing done, paying enough attention to laundry/cleaning/reading/bread-baking/gardening/bill-paying/kids/everything else. (No, not in that order. The bread-baking comes in second place, right after the kiddos.) (Probably helps that they’re in school most of the day, my little darlins. But with as many days as we have off? It’s not that different from when they were babies.) (No diapers though!!!!! Right on!!! Right on!!!)

(speaking of… Lelo posted some dynamite salad dressing recipes. Don’t get too skinny, girl! I like ‘em curvy ;)

I also went all crazy and made the MAC Club’s Bran Muffins, from a recipe I cut out of the paper about two decades ago. So of course it’s not online. OregonLive barely has stuff that’s two weeks old online. I’ll type it up later, I promise.

Oh, Oregonian… Sorry I was hating on you so much awhile back. (Internet can’t see my fingers crossed behind my back.) I’m sorry! I feel so bad every time I think about you! OK, I’m not sorry.

Bon appetit!

Wacky Mommy

and… here’s the recipe. My changes (they all worked well): I subbed two real eggs for the egg substitute; dark molasses for light; soymilk with a tablespoon of lemon added instead of buttermilk (this is also a trick I use with real milk if I don’t have buttermilk in the house; and I added a little extra milk — maybe should have used three eggs? Yeah, I added a little honey, too, cuz sticky bran muffins = heaven.

And I left out the pineapple. My daughter wants me to add bananas next time. I think blueberries would be good, too. We’re anti-raisins and nuts over here, but you may feel differently. Also, I mixed it all up in one damn bowl because life is too short to mess with separate bowls.

We all four like this recipe. And even though I filled the muffin tins right up to the edge (muffin tops!! the good kind) it still made enough for lunches and snacks, plus some for the freezer. Done!

MAC Bran Muffins

1 1/2 cups brown sugar
3 1/2 cups flour
2 tsp baking soda
1 tablespoon baking powder
3 cups wheat bran
1/3 cup vegetable oil
2/3 cup liquid egg substitute
1 tablespoon light molasses
1 1/4 cups buttermilk
1 15 1/4 oz. can juice-packed crushed pineapple, drained

In a large mixing bowl, combine sugar, flour, soda, baking powder and wheat bran until uniformly mixed. In a separate bowl, mix oil, egg substitute, molasses and buttermilk. Add egg mixture and pineapple to flour mixture all at once. Stir until all of flour is wet, but do not overmix.

Fill lightly greased muffin tins (or paper-lined tins) 3/4 full. Bake at 350 degrees for 18-20 minutes or until lightly browned.

Makes approximately 2 dozen.

Even though Vicki Phillips has left for the Gates Foundation, we’re still stuck with the mess she’s left behind for Portland Public Schools. We have some K-8 schools; some that don’t fit the mold; Jefferson High School, my neighborhood school, still in shambles (but they can spring for astro-turf at Grant. Go, Generals! You’re right, you do deserve the best, ya idiots); they’re possibly adding on to Lincoln (hell yes, Lincoln Needs Money and More, More, More) (I’m being sarcastic, is it transmitting?), etc.

Let’s go back a few years. A long, long time ago, I didn’t have kids. And I didn’t know much about schools, like many of you. I always cared, though. So I always voted for the school funding measures, and I even volunteered at the public schools once in awhile. (They’d ask me to come in sometimes and talk with the kids about How I Became a Writer.)

At the back of my mind, always, I’m thinking, “Who’s going to be cath-ing me when I’m old? Who’s going to be working at the nursing home? Will they talk Kerouac with me?” I was the first person in my family to graduate from college. I had to fight hard to finish. I worked two or three jobs the entire time I was in school and graduated debt-free, thankyouverymuch. (My aunt brought up the number of grads in my family to two a few years ago! Yay, auntie! And my cousin graduated this spring! Go, us! That’s three college graduates. Plus one who just finished nursing school! I was raised by wolves, people, but it’s OK. I’ve learned to deal.) School is important to me, and always has been.

My Mom had a little mantra for me that she started chanting when I was three years old. Or maybe two. “First you’ll graduate from grade school, then you’ll graduate from high school, then you’ll graduate from college!” Oh, OK. And she and my Dad set aside enough money to pay for my first year, so I had to go! (See what happens when you expect things from your kids?)

We need decent, strong, free public schools in this world, especially for those students who aren’t getting a lot of encouragement or money from the homefront. Not everyone has parents who are pushing them.

I had a stepson, sort of, lo these many years ago. When my live-in boyfriend and I broke up, I kept visiting rights with his son, so I got a little glimpse into the Portland Public School system at that time. (He’s 21 now.) (more…)

(This originally ran in August, 2006, in response to an editorial wherein the Oregonian blamed Jeff parents for the mess at Jeff. I’m re-running it in honor of Superintendent Vicki Phillips LEAVING THE BUILDING and Leon Dudley, who apparently has left the building, as well. Ta-ta, WM)

JEFFERSON HIGH SCHOOL

Dear Parents, Members of the Board, Community Freaks & Assorted Avon Ladies:

Everything that’s gone wrong at Jefferson High School is my fault. Goddammit, I might as well tell you the whole truth. Everything that’s wrong with Portland Public Schools is my fault — the antique plumbing that refuses to work, the radon in the buildings, the faulty heating, the lack of teachers, the lack of supplies, the lack of art, music, science, all that.

Oh, and the drinking fountains with no water pressure, so the kids can’t get drinks — my fault. Mine, mine, mine. They don’t need water, in my opinion. That’s why they have juiceboxes. They can hold it if and when they have to pee. No water = no water. Get it? So it does not matter if the toilets won’t work. Voila! Also, this way you don’t need to buy soap. Or paper towels. I crossed them off the list.

I didn’t want to tell you, but I was outed by The Oregonian this a.m. in an editorial. So I might as well spill my guts. I, like Superintendent Vicki Phillips, new Jefferson Principal Leon Dudley and several others who have begun work for PPS, was being investigated by the FBI when we started with the district. It’s true. They heard I’m mouthy, and apparently it’s not such a free country nowadays. (“Freedom of speech!/Yeah, boy, just watch what you say…” Ice-T)

Also? The Tri-Met bus stop where a teacher was beat up a couple of years ago? Where I’ve seen people huffing paint and making drug deals? The one right outside the North Portland Branch Library? The district and Tri-Met and the City of Portland, even, were all insisting on moving it a block or two away from that corner, but I said, No, dammit. You are not going to do that. And they listened, cuz I have that kind of power here. The drug deals on Albina and Killingsworth? Yeah, all me. I told the cops they had better corners to cruise and off they went on their merry way.

I’m the one who said, Cut all the programs at Jeff. OK, maybe the kids will notice if we cut all of ‘em, so cut most of ‘em. Spanish? We do not need Spanish. Federal grant money? Bwah. You can keep your stinkin’ grant money, too. It’s true. I did. Is that cool with you? It seemed important to me.

I also made the rule that if you want to be in the Jefferson Dance Program, you don’t need to actually attend the school. You are welcome to go huff paint and smoke a joint at the bus stop, on the way back to the high school of your choice. I’m generous like that.

Giving Mt. Olivet Baptist Church their own academy at the school? Yeah. I told you I was Baptist, right? You got to have loyalty nowadays. I wanted that to work out, but it didn’t fly. Maybe later. And Kenton School being closed down? Me, again. In fact, shutting down a bunch of the schools that feed into Jeff, to kinda choke things off? Me, me, me, me, me, me. All me. Do not try to take the credit yourself, y’all. Cuz it was me. We got a good Catholic high school going into Kenton now, we’re set. Gives the high schoolers in the neighborhood a place to go once Jeff shuts down. Shoot, I didn’t mean to mention that. But there you go. It makes sense to me.

And the whole thing, of letting the accreditation lapse for Jefferson? Me, again. Honestly, I just do not think it’s that important. And the Church of the Bloody Mary sign outside the Florida Room across from the high school? Funny, huh? My idea. And having McMenamins take over the Little Chapel of the Chimes Funeral Home? Why not sell beer instead of prepare bodies for burial? Party on, everyone. Oh, one more thing — the lack of funds for Ethos Music Center? I am so behind that. There is no way we want music on that street. Not when we’ve got paint to huff and drinking to do.

Brilliant I am, no?

Your girl,
Wacky Mommy

My husband — you may know him as Hockey God — did a nice photo essay on his blog. You should go check it out. And yes, I did say that about the Catholic church. Because I’m sick of all my snobby friends saying, “Well, at Cathedral/Holy Cross/Madeleine School/Holy Redeemer… etc. We don’t have those kind of problems.” (Lice, sex abuse, child abuse, meth monkeys, teachers who abuse kids…) Liars! You do so. You just cover it up better. Only, not always.

And from Whoorl and Snackie’s World (“Where Everybody is Bitchy and Nobody is Getting Licked!”), today’s meme:

1. Hey baby, what’s your sign? More importantly, do you believe in astrology? Why or why not?
Cancer, on the cusp of Gemini, with Sagittarius rising. Really, I think this explains it all. Yeah, and I was born in Year of the Dragon. Wacky Girl is Virgo and Perfect, Wacky Boy is Aries and Insane, Hockey God is double Sag with Scorpio Rising or something and Trouble. Of course I believe in astrology.

2. If you were offered a million dollars to never wear lip gloss again, would you take it?
Yes, because “chapstick” is not “lip gloss.” Ditto “lipstick” is not “lip gloss.”

3. Which blogger would you like to trade lives with for just one day and why?
Nothing But Bonfires, because geez, who wouldn’t want to be Holly?

4. Do you want to have more children or have you not thought that far ahead yet?
Ha, ha, ha! You’re funny! Yeah, they’re cute until they bring home lice. Then they’re not that damn cute anymore. No, we’re done. No more kids, no more dogs, no more lice.

5. And finally, the most important question of the day: mayonnaise or Miracle Whip?
Mayo. But only on our hair.

PS — Whoorl was much more imaginative about this than I was. I’m just in a hurry. Laundry and all. Week Two of the Louse: More Cetaphil on hair; bed pillows, quilts, blankets on hot cycle in dryer for half an hour; sheets, towels and coats through laundry; entire house vacuumed again; and me, oh my! I even found time to plant cosmos, pansies and hollyhocks with the kids. (My husband is doing the vacuuming. With our new fancy purple Dyson vacuum cleaner. The man is a saint.)

“Little Skunk was glad to do that.
But then he saw another little skunk.
She was very pretty.
He gave the kiss to her.
And she gave it back.
And he gave it back.
And then Hen came along.
‘Too much kissing,’ she said.”

from “A Kiss For Little Bear”
– written by Else Holmelund Minarik & illustrated by Maurice Sendak

Everyone in my hometown of Portland, Ore., is all a-twitter because of something the kids are calling “Freak Dancing,” aka “Grinding” or “Freaking.” It supposedly leads to blindness.

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Because I just wanted to let my opinion be known… so there it is. I am expressing myself.

“I’m expressin’ with my full capabilities/
And now I’m livin’ in correctional facilities/
Cuz some don’t agree with how I do this/
I get straight/
meditate like a Buddhist/”
– NWA

Gay marriage should be legal. Wacky Mommy says yes, yeah, go for it, I support it and fully. Love, love, love.

“All you need is love/
Love is all you need/”
– The Beatles

However. The voters of Oregon, progressive and green and free-loving though we may be, passed Measure 36 a couple of years ago, stating that “only a marriage between one man and one woman shall be valid or legally recognized as a marriage.” (Here are some of the arguments against this measure.) (And “we” being “them” because you know I didn’t vote the damn thing in.)

My point: I still see tons of bumperstickers here that say ONE MAN ONE WOMAN YES ON 36 all over town and damn if I wouldn’t love to get my hands on about five or seven of them. Cuz I’d cut them up to say:

ONE WOMAN
ONE WOMAN

ONE MAN
ONE MAN

ONE WOMAN
ONE MAN

And then right next to all that I’d put a Bob Marley sticker that said:

ONE LOVE
ONE HEART
LET’S GET TOGETHER AND FEEL ALRIGHT

Happy New Year to all of you. Peace in 2007.

Loves and kisses, hogs and quiches,

WM

PS — If anyone can get some of these bumperstickers for me I would sure appreciate it.

PSS — No, I haven’t started baking or cleaning yet for the party on Monday, thanks for asking.

Thirteen Things Bosses Have Said To Me:

1. I could really use a blowjob.

2. If I was a little bit younger, I’d chase you around the block.

3. While you’re on vacation, I want you to think about all the mistakes you’ve been making at work and have a different attitude when you get back.

4. The other editors and I have talked, and we think you need to see a therapist.

5. I know I told the agency I needed you to answer the phone, but I really need you to do my books.

6. You’re working the fifteen-hour sale tonight by yourself. Hope your first day is going well!

7. You’re fired because I’m tired of hearing Susie bitch about you. (This was from blowjob guy. Do you think I blew him to keep the job? Bwaaaaaaa ha ha ha ha…)

8. If I told you that was a nice blouse, would you consider that sexual harrassment?

9. I wish I was you.

10. Can you call all my friends to get them to RSVP for my party?

11. I think after you’ve been doing data entry for awhile you’ll get a real fire in your belly for it.

12. We hired too many people so now I have to fire half of you. Sorry. Happy Thanksgiving.

13. Babe, if you married me, on our honeymoon I’d cover your whole body with bean dip and guacamole and eat it up with chips.

Happy Thursday Thirteen, everyone!

“Ah, not a good year for your clan, huh?” a friend of ours asked my sister and me toward the end of 1997. We ran into him at a party. It was the first social event I’d attended in ages, other than funerals.

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