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my friday, so far

July 6th, 2007

Here, dear readers — My day in real time.

Sort of.

5, 6, 7 & 8 a.m.: Sleeping. Ahhhhhhhhhhh. Large Wacky Cat 2, the stripedy one, pins me in on one side; muscular husband pins me in on the other. Why does the Cat want to sleep with us? It’s so flippin’ hot. Unable to move. Sex? No. Have to sleep. Can’t open eyes. Consider a new lifestyle that involves not staying up so late at night. Hmmm. What time did we go to bed? Vaguely remember 11 o’clock news. Keep eyes closed. Sleep. (more…)

TV???

June 12th, 2007

Also, I’m a little lost without Lost, The Office, My Name is Earl, Desperate Housewives, Boston Legal and Grey’s Anatomy to define my week. You?

Also, we HAVE NO HBO so I won’t see the second half of the final season of The Sopranos until it’s out on DVD.

I’m in pain.

Also, the season finale of Lost made me a little agitada and I still can’t talk about it. Stupid Lost. Stupid plot contrivances and sexy men that draw me in like a moth to a bug-zapper time and time again.

Also, the Pink-Haired Housewife saw the season finale of the Sopranos, as her parents are cool and have HBO and she dines with them every Sunday night for their Sopranos date. (The kids are in the other room, playing, calm down, jeez.) Isn’t that sweet?

Also, the painter FINISHED and my house looks GREAT. I am telling you — hire a painter. Don’t try to get cute and do your own painting unless you’re brilliant at it.

Also, I’ve gotten over missing work. Ha! My husband is going to buy me two chaise lounges. One for me and one for the Pink-Haired Housewife. So there.

ttfn,

WM

Are You There, God? It’s Me, Wacky Mommy

May 29th, 2007

How am I supposed to keep up with my blog-reading, if this work thing continues? I don’t know what is going on out there! Amalah wrote a dynamite post about searching for faith. And I have a whole post I need to write about Rosie O’Donnell being the only celebrity in America brave enough to keep on hammering about the need to End the War and Bring Our Soldiers Home. Now. Now! Now!!! Not tomorrow — today.

Say what you will about Rosie — no, don’t, because I’m feeling more than a little protective of her right now. She’s bold, and she stands up for what she believes in. And what kind of screwed-up world do we live in where people commend you for doing the right thing, because it’s so… unusual to help someone, or to put out a fire, or just to point out, “There’s a fire. Let’s put it out.”

“Oh, my God — you, like, noticed that fire! And I didn’t even notice it! And then you put it out! You are a-maz-ing! Wow!”

I get attention and credit all the time just for doing the stuff — and it’s usually small, tiny stuff, not anything amazing, by any means — that I need to be doing. Today, for instance, I sent two dozen pencils to school with my daughter, because they’re out. Her teacher thought this was a-maz-ing. I may send in erasers tomorrow.

So, Rosie O’ — thanks for being a-maz-ing.

From the transcripts of “The View” for May 17th (this is from Rosie’s blog), wherein Rosie completely blew Elisabeth Hasselback’s mind:

O’DONNELL: …… I just want to say something. 655,000 Iraqi civilians are dead. Who are the terrorists?
HASSELBECK: Who are the terrorists?
O’DONNELL: 655,000 Iraqis — I’m saying you have to look, we invaded –
HASSELBECK: Wait, who are you calling terrorists now? Americans?
O’DONNELL: I’m saying if you were in Iraq, and the other country, the United States, the richest in the world, invaded your country and killed 655,000 of your citizens, what would you call us?
HASSELBECK: Are we killing their citizens or are their people also killing their citizens?
O’DONNELL: We’re invading a sovereign nation, occupying a country against the U.N.

(And I would like to segue this post into some lovin’ and a shout-out for Cindy Sheehan, who is exhausted and giving up. Cindy, don’t give up. Take a rest, but don’t give up.)

Pointing out that we’re terrorizing a nation — which we are, which we have been — is not the same as calling a soldier a terrorist. Killing two-thirds of a million people is called “terr-or-izing them.” It is domestic violence, to go into people’s homes and cities and back yards and kill them. It’s like I tell my kids fifty times a day — don’t hurt each other. It’s wrong to hurt someone. It’s wrong to kill.

The job ends Friday. I will be able to read more and write more after that. I won’t hear back about the interview until end of this week, beginning of next. I’ll let you know as soon as I know, savvy?

In the meantime, don’t stop fighting. And keep on, I command you on this one, keep on putting out fires.

Homeschooling, Day 17

May 1st, 2007

Wacky Girl: “Let’s watch South Park.”

me: “No.”

Honestly — you have to show some kind of control, occasionally.

TV Turn-off Week 2007

April 23rd, 2007

Once again, the kids and I are doing TV Turn-off Week (April 23-29). This is our fourth year! And once again, it’s Stanley Cup play-offs, so my husband gets a pass to watch hockey. And celebrate 4:20. Damn, update that blog, dude.

That’s fair, I’m thinking. Hockey is different. I mean, hockey, hockey, hockey!!! (The kids and I don’t join him.)

I’m also thinking… “No Grey’s Anatomy???” Good thing there’s not a No Blogging Week. (Yes, I realize we should try for no computer time, too. But my kids don’t often play computer games, so that’s no big loss for them to go without. And blogging saves my sanity — what little of it is left. Plus, writing is my source of income. And Hockey God is a computer guy, so keyboarding = $$$ at my house. So don’t try to take our keyboards away!)

Are y’all doing the no TV thing at your houses?

Take That, Billy Crudup

March 26th, 2007

Denny, you rock.

I know, I know, I KNOW, okay? Other people’s lives are none of my business. And Mary-Louise Parker is not my “real” girlfriend, it just feels like it. But when she was eight months pregnant with her son, and it was right after I was pregnant with my son? And then Billy Crudup, who I formerly had such a hott crush on, from “Almost Famous,” LEFT HER? Honestly, I do not give a rip what a pregnant woman is doing to piss you off — insisting on Orange Crush, demanding foot rubs with peppermint lotion, wanting you to fix her french fries at 10 p.m. — short of trying to kill you, there is no excuse for leaving the mother of your child in her hour of need.

Honestly.

I mean, Billy, what the hell? You have a career to think about. Who’s going to want you, once you pull a stunt like that? Oh, right. Claire Danes. But supposedly they’re on the outs, and now he’s seeing… who cares.

My point is — their son has guess who now for a stepdad-to-be? That’s right, Denny Duquette. The world is a just place, after all.

That’ll Show ‘Em

March 13th, 2007

The setting: Last Sunday afternoon. I’m lying in bed, hoping my family will leave so I can watch the Las Vegas season finale I have on tape. (I finally watched the whole thing. My review: Creepy, too weird, not enough hott love scenes.)

My husband: “I’ll fix dinner. You always get home cooking on the weekend.”

Me: “I cook during the week!” (…and I’m thinking, not last week I didn’t — we had Thai, pizza, and Indian take-out, then went out on Friday.)

Wacky Girl, who’s sprawled on the bed: “Bullshit.”

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My Name Is Earl

October 20th, 2006

From last night’s episode:

Earl: “Van Halen started with two brothers. We could be Van Hickey! And Ralph.”

Ralph: “I bet if we played with real instruments, we could have sex with real girls! Yeah, rock ‘n’ roll, honey!”

Friday Advice Column for Wacky Mothers & Others

October 19th, 2006

Grey’s Anatomy, I love you so. Especially when I have insomnia and you, on tape.

Meredith: “Guilt never goes anywhere on its own. It brings its friends, doubt and insecurity.

McSteamy, to Callie, when her cell rings while they’re in bed: “That your boyfriend again?”
Callie: “I do not have a boyfriend.”
McSteamy: “Then why the guilty face?”
Callie: “You were sexier when you weren’t talking.”

A disclaimer: While I am a professional writer, I am professional in no other areas at all, medically, socially, academically or career-wise. Just ask the other PTA parents. Thus, this is not medical advice. Please check with your doctor or analyst if you need to.

If you have questions, please shoot me an e-mail. It’s not like I’m sleeping.

Love,
WM

Dear Wacky Mommy:

What do you think of co-sleeping? My husband and I are co-sleeping with our three-month-old, and it’s going fine. We have one of those rail/net things next to the bed (not a co-sleeper). But what do you do when the baby starts crawling?

Signed,
Happy Mama

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No TV? Yes, TV. And Tongue-Kissing.

September 9th, 2006

Day 7: The kids watched a half hour of some crap and another half hour of some other crap. (PBS Kids and the stoned sloth. I think.) Bonus points: I made dinner, being the kind of good mom who does feed her kids.

Day 8: No TV for anyone. No one asked, even. This was kinda cool. And I got to finish this incredible book I just read, Kindred, by Octavia Butler, about a woman who time travels and risks her life to try to save her future. I highly recommend this one.

Soccer season? Not for Wacky Boy, who “opted out.”

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