We have a saying in our house, courtesy of author Sheila Ballantyne. Her 1975 classic, “Norma Jean the Termite Queen,” is a must-read for all Wacky Mommies. I mean it. Go buy a copy today. Norma Jean has a tantrummer living with her, Damon, and she tells him he needs to tell the Wild Thing inside him to calm down.

He tells the Wild Thing to calm down or he’ll kick its ass.

Wacky Girl, something of a Damon herself, now says, “Don’t calm down, Wild Thing,” thus extending her time-out.

Am trying, myself, to calm down. Am having bout of bronchitis and unable to drink alcohol or eat chocolate as usual. Will blog more later about idiot chocolatiers (is that a word?) and my inability to switch to decaf coffee. Or exercise. Triple blech.

How is life with you, dear readers? I know you’re lurking, but only a couple of you post… The more posts the merrier, I say.

love,

WM, Mother of Wild Things

a moment of silence, please, for Ms. Rosa Parks. Thanks for not taking anyone’s shit. ROSA WE LOVE YOU!

WM and Friends

WM sends big kisses and hugs to Wacky Mommy A, who had appendicitis (which the doctors misdiagnosed as “flu” for 24 hours — WTF????), followed by a collapsed lung?&!#$%&! Again — WTF?

Honestly, some mommies will do anything to get out of taking care of their three small children + niece + dog + cat + various contractors and responsibilities.

Please send good vibes her way, Wacky Mommies and Daddies.

WM

If you wish to be happy for one hour, get drunk.
If you wish to be happy for three days, get married.
If you wish to be happy for a month, kill your pig and eat it.
If you wish to be happy forever, learn to fish.
— Chinese Proverb

So last night I’m making dinner — homemade mac and cheese, a zucchini/tomato/garlic and onion saute, just a nice little meal, and WB tells me, “You are the kind of bad mommy who never feeds her kids.”

In case you were wondering.

ttfn, off to gamble and drink,

WM

“No more blah, blah, blah!”
— Kirk, “Miri”, stardate 2713.6

So, if you tell The Internet about the fibroid tumors, polyps, possibly melon-sized Alien Growths in your uterus… well, you have to follow up.

THERE WAS NOTHING THERE! They did big intrusive owie “procedures” today, and the verdict?

“Your uterus is beautiful.” Awwww, say it again? I am pretty happy about this — over the moon, more like — but what the hell? So it was just this one little Human Oddity, apparently — snip, snip, done.

Fine with me. Hormonal upheaval? Yeah. What else is new?

Sorry for the scare, Internet.

xxox

WM

Wacky Grandmas and Aunties who bring over a DVD of “The Apple Dumpling Gang,” spaghetti for dinner, cookies and ice cream and microwave popcorn for dessert, and stay all entire evening, thus freeing Wacky Parents to go on a freakin’ fancy dinner cruise aboard the Portland Spirit, and tour the Willamette from downtown Portland to Lake Oswego. Yes, that’s who rocks — relatives who are willing to do this.

We went to the Lotus Cardroom for a drink beforehand, drank at dinner, and, that’s right, had hot toddies with dessert. Wow, do I love a Hot Apple Pie drink. Almost as much as “The Apple Dumpling Gang.” I had a nice piece of salmon, which WD did not refer to, cheerfully, as “the only endangered species you can eat” (he, like, has to say this every time I eat salmon, so I appreciate his restraint). He had spinach manicotti. Both dishes had a fancy little sidedish of spaghetti squash, with shredded zucchini and carrots. Mine had rice pilaf and some fancy ginger sauce with… who knows, cuz I was likkered up by then. But it was delicious. And for you Booze Cops in the crowd, no we did not drive. We took the train. Which made WD even happier cuz damn — the boy loves all the various modes of transportation. I prefer a Cadillac Escalade, but that’s just me.

ttfn,

WM

ps — C, did you and R get any of the seven boxes I sent you? Do you think I’m insane? Just wondering. I have more to send, week after this. xxox wm

You know how many parents volunteer in Wacky Girl’s class, out of 28 kids? That’s right, just me. Freaking slackers. Like I want to go? No, I don’t. I’d rather watch last night’s episode of “Lost” again. (Rose… he’s alive!!!! But you knew that…) It’s raining again. I don’t even want to leave the house. Wacky Grandma has Wacky Boy today. The house is extremely quiet. I adore this.

Also, I just posted this on Amalah’s site (we were talking stretch marks).

Skin Cream Recipe for Pregnant and Post-Partum Girls

My husband, Wacky Daddy, made a nice skin cream for me (I used it throughout pregnancy and after) of 1 part cocoa butter and 2 parts coconut oil, and a small vial of Vit. E oil. I kept it in a peanut butter jar and it smelled yummy. I don’t know if it decreased the stretch marks and c-section scarring, but it made me not so itchy.

And more on my volunteer efforts (yes, that’s right, I’m kicking everyone’s ass on this today) — I just packed up about half my house and mailed it to my New Orleans friend R. Not literally half — I couldn’t figure out how to ship her our old high chair and crib, short of hiring a moving crew, but I sent her a bunch of toys, clothes, books, CDs, videos, kitchen stuff, spiral notebooks, yadda yadda. The post office gave me a discount for the boxes that were just books. Least they can do. I suggest you all do something similar. Send it c/o a friend, a relative, a friend of a friend, one of the shelters, Salvation Army, whatever. Call around and see if the Red Cross can take stuff there for you. The National Guard has been hauling backpacks with school supplies and distributing them. Call around and find out some options — It’s worth it. Send me an e if you get something going on, or just post.

Off to eat cafeteria lunch now — Terikyaki Beef Bites. Nummy! What would Emeril say?

xxox

WM

Have gone back to original plan — will drink heavily until both children are in school full days.

— WM

(more…)