I have this problem. For me, it’s a small problem. For my husband, dear, sweet, understanding Hockey God, it’s a big, big, big, huge, frickin’ out-of-control problem. It’s all over the table, floor, stacked up in a rack next to the china cabinet.

It takes up a ton of room in the recycling bin and is heavy.

It makes his brain hurt when we talk about it, when I won’t pay attention to him at the table, because I’m absorbed in the obituaries, the recipes, the People column.

Newspapers. I have a pretty serious newspaper addiction going here.

A-hem. A few of his frequent comments go like this:

“Why don’t you read it online?”
“You know you can read it online.”
“Can I recycle these? All of these? No? Why not?”
“Really. Why the hell not?”
“Can we cancel our subscription? I mean, permanently?”

Yargh, the pressure, I cannot take it.

I like a newspaper. I like the heft of it. The thud when they throw it on the front porch. The slick ads. The metro section. The metro brieflys, about horrible, random things happening to random people (who are usually not horrible. But sometimes I suppose they are. Like when a drug dealer’s house burns down because his gro-lights got too hot. I’m supposed to feel bad about that? If he had little kids, I’d feel bad for them. But usually child welfare has already nabbed them. Or when two guys are drunk in a bar and beat each other up, then crash their trucks into each other in the parking lot and get arrested, and their girlfriends won’t bail them out. Hmm…).

I digress.

How will I know about these horrible, random things if I quit my subscription?

Then one day it occurred to me: Why do I want to know about horrible random things? It’s enough to give you a headache. Why give yourself a headache on purpose? That happens enough on accident, no?

Then one other day it occurred to me: This is the only reason I keep my subscription to the Oregonian. That’s right.

Don’t judge me, you. I never claimed to be all fancy-schmancy over here.

For Better or Worse is a good reason to stay married (ten years for us next month!) (and happy 25th to my younger-than-ever girlfriend L and her youthful groom, by the way). But subscribing to the paper just so you can read For Better or Worse? Not reason enough to pay out the money.

Subscription now canceled.

My daughter will miss the funnies but y’know? She can read all of them online.

I’ll get her a free subscription.

Am smart and talented. Just figured out how to 1) register as a post-bac (undergrad) student in the hopes of 2) finishing my pre-requisites and 3) registering for grad school. (To obtain teaching license and Media Specialist degree.)

(Will assume no GREs are required, but some other, simpler test instead. Maybe involving writing a blog post and posting it. With a Twitter sample on the side. Maybe 3 or 4 recipes, added on to packet. Sure.)

(Yes, it is nice up there in my brain, with the fairies, cupcakes and sparkles.)

Also figured out how to 4) register for an online course (four credits, one of the pre-reqs) and 5) order the books I need for it, too. All online! Why would you ever want to leave the house? It only took six people holding my hand (over e-mail and phone) and answering my questions to complete all this. Dear God, what am I thinking?

love,

wm

A little meme, to brighten up your holiday weekend. Funsize (and the whole Vixen crew), Happy Fourth!

The rules:

a) Link to the person who tagged me.

b) Mention the rules.

c) Tell six quirky yet boring, unspectacular details about myself.

d) Tag 6 other bloggers by linking to them.

e) Go to each person’s blog and leave a comment that lets them know they’ve been tagged.

OK, I’ll do most of this. Except d). I’m tagging ALL of you.

1) When I was a kid, I used to eat lemonade concentrate, frozen, straight from the can.

2) When I get stressed out I bake. Then I put on a few more pounds and get more stressed, then I bake some more. You can see why this is a problem? My solution: Give the extras away (to the chagrin of my children). This is the number one reason I need a permanent job — so I will have co-workers to bake for. (Some of my favorites are here, here, here and HERE.)

3) On days when I can sleep in, I’m up at 6 (like today). On days when I need to get up early, you cannot drag me out of bed. It’s like my mind is thinking “Snow Day” or something on my “free” days. I try, unsuccessfully, to fight this cycle.

3) I love being alone so I can knit or read a book. I am as much a bookworm now as when I was 9 years old.

4) My moods go with the Oregon weather and always have. We are both a little erratic.

5) I love strawberries and blueberries but raspberries? Not so much. Unless they’re sauced or in a jam.

6) Could I be more boring? I do not think so. Oh, yes. In the summertime, I hang out all of our laundry to dry. Every last bit of it, all summer. This is insane, but the sheets smell yummy.

Have a good weekend, y’all.

wm

I decided to throw myself a small party for my 44th birthday, as I’ve mentioned here 10 or 20 times, and it went okay. You know why? Because instead of doing all the food myself I called out, “Potluck!” and everyone responded.

We had… (more…)

This weekend… (more…)

had a lot of food and fun and friends. kids ran around like feral animals. am tiny bit hungover. the outdoors seems really, really… bright.

love,
wm

Another meme???? I love you, memes. Me me me. Vixen started it.

Here are the rules:
1. Each player answers questions about themselves.
2. At the end of the post, tag 5 people by posting their names.
3. Go to their site/blog and leave a comment telling them they’ve been tagged. Invite them to your site/blog so they can read the tagged post.
4. Let the person who tagged you know when you’ve completed your tagged post.

1. What were you doing 10 years ago?
Falling in love with my husband. Planning our wedding. Quitting the job I’d had for eight years to freefall into what I did not know. (It all worked out okay.)

2. What are 5 things on your “To Do” list?
a. Take out the recycling
b. Get rid of all the paperwork piled up on the tables and counters around here.
c. Do the damn laundry.
d. Dishes?
e. Make a real “to do” list that isn’t just basic maintenance. (ie — Go to Rome. Get a book published. etc.)

3. What are 5 snacks you enjoy? (In no specific order)
Brownies, Hav’ a Chips, guacamole, popcorn with M&Ms poured in the bowl, tamari almonds.

4. Name some things you would do if you were a millionaire.
Pay for librarians for a few schools. Buy food for a bunch of people who needed it. That would take care of the million. Is it more than one million? If I was a 3 millionaire, I’d buy myself a ’64 Impala and a garage to keep it in, pay off the bills, and pay off the mortgages for my family. Um. I think that would add up to 5 million.

5. Name some places where you’ve lived.
Manhattan, Vancouver, Wash., SE, NE, SW, North Portland.

6. Name some bad habits you have.
I fucking hate FaceBook and MySpace and all that and if someone suggests I blog over there I ask them “Are you fucking nuts? Those places do not even count as blogs. They’re like, all purple disco lights and flashy and that is not writing, how is that even creative???” etc. This is kind of obnoxious, when I get like this. Also, when one of the moms at school told me how much she loves MySpace because you can go back in and delete your old comments (is this true, MySpacers?) I was like, Fuck that. You write it here, I own it. But if you e me and say, Uh, I didn’t mean to say I was going to beat up my husband’s ex-wife, I was only teasing! then of course I will delete your comment.

7. Name some jobs you’ve had.
Um. Soda jerk, waitress, Avon salesperson, journalist, social worker, facer. You know what a facer is? The person who turns everything face out on the grocery shelves. It was kinda fun, but kinda mind-numbing at the same time. That is when I had the experience of dropping a stuffed toy tomato, a plushy toy, on its face, and it said, “Jesus loves you just the way you are.” I knew then I had to quit that job, cuz that was some scary shit, right there.

(Thus was my introduction to Veggie Tales.)

8. Name those whom you are tagging.
I’ll steal Vixen’s line: You. And you. And you hiding over there, behind the wall. You are it. (Plus Zip, Planet Nomad, Under Construction, Lelo and RSG.)

…in case you were wondering.

She appreciates all your good thoughts, and is sleeping off the anesthesia as I write this. I’m sure she’ll be blogging on the morrow.

Ash tagged me, wooooooooooooooooooo! I love a meme. (You know who writes a killer meme? Tina from The Gallivanting Monkey. That’s right. She responded to my tag with the funniest meme I’ve ever read.) You can tag me all damn day long, and maybe you’ll catch me, maybe you won’t, but I do like a tag. I present…

The Latest Thing in Memes

1. I can’t believe I’ve never…
…watched Star Wars all the way through. Oh, wait. Yes, I can.

2. Every time I think about … I still cringe.
…the last time someone asked me to speak in public, in front of a roomful of strangers, and I went, “Bladdity-blah-blah, hummingbird food! Musical notes! Dancing, dancing! Wheeee!” or something. I have no idea what I said, but I still cringe. Must sign up for Toastmasters, stat.

3. I wish I’d …when I had the chance.
…married Steve when I first met him, instead of waiting a few years. (We were neighbors, I was living with my boyfriend, he sort of had a girlfriend, complications and chaos ensued, etc.)

4. I’ve never felt so out of place as when I…
…was at a party where everyone did a hoedown in their cowboy boots, and I wasn’t wearing cowboy boots.

5. … is my guiltiest pleasure.
That would have to be… I don’t do guilty pleasures, just pleasures.

6. I hope … knows how grateful I am for …
…my mom knows how grateful I am that she dealt with me, pretty skillfully, during my teen years.

7. In my darkest hours, I secretly blame … for my dysfunction.
…boyfriends 1-4…

8. … changed my life forever.
Steve and the kids… and my learning to knit.

I’m tagging… Tina, of course; Melissa Lion, because since she told MetBlogs “later,” she has a ton of free time now; Mr. Qanzas; MamaToo (who I saw in person today, with her two cute little kidlets, yay! How did she know I needed a “little kid” fix?); and… my very own Hockey God, who always refuses to partake in my memes. Maybe he’ll bite.

GO!

Don’t forget our “meet and greet” tomorrow SATURDAY JANUARY 26TH!!!, from 10 a.m.-noon at Ladybug Organic Coffee Company, 8438 N. Lombard St., here in bee-yoo-ti-ful Portland, Oregon.

Lelo is bringing aprons to sell; Melissa will sign and sell books; I have a case of kids’ books to give away FREE; and… we will drink coffee.

Hope to see you then.

wm

ps — wondering how Lelo made those cool signs? RedKid.net is how.