So. The Lovely Miss Amalah posed the question, re: what to do when you and your spouse can’t agree on how many kids to have (zero? 15? four and a half?): “Whose definition of “complete” did you end up using?”

AND THE READERS WENT COMPLETELY NUTS. It’s a pretty interesting read. But don’t consider jumping into the fray, cuz the comments section, she is closed.

Honestly, people, people, people. The question is not, “How many kids should we have?” but rather, “How the hell do I get rid of this headache that I’ve had for two weeks, that is considerably aggravated by my screaming kids?” One kid, 15, four and a half, it doesn’t matter. They’re going to scream, and you’re going to get a headache.

(more…)

Ya’ll realize, I hope, that if you’re looking at my blog and something really weird is there, under comments, that it is not our crowd — it’s the…

OK. I cannot use any of the words that these folks use to track me down. So read between the lines:

They’re sp@!mers. I f&!king despise them. I spend a large part of my day deleting na&*y comments left by s@amm#!$ on my blog and Hockey God’s. In fact, I deleted about 20 comments today alone on the two blogs, including half a dozen on Hockey God’s, left from the time we got home from Wacky Girl’s dentist appointment (at 6 p.m.) and now (8:30 p.m., same day).

Oddly, he gets about three times more junk mail than I do. Just like our snail mail.

Re: dentist. WG needs braces. She is six. “Six year olds don’t get braces!” you’re no doubt thinking, “They don’t, like, even have all their permanent teeth yet. WTF Wacky Mommy?” They get “appliances” now, then braces later. I have been told this is expensive. Please don’t tell me how expensive. I’m enjoying denial. Her teeth are way crookedy. Good word, no? Crookedy. Makes it seem almost comical, instead of “F&*@!ng h&*l we have to re-fi the house for this?” Her bite and jaw will get “even worse and she will need surgery,” according to the two dentists and two orthodontists we have seen.

“You might be looking at surgery, on down the road, anyway,” they say.

“It’s too soon to tell the extent of this,” they say. Although they all agree that the poor kid’s mouth is a mess.

“You can make payments,” they all say.

Good, good, that’s a comfort.

So the junk mail? Please ignore. Thanks and have a splendiferous night.

Wacky Girl is and always has been a spelling fiend. Even more so after watching Akeelah and the Bee. Which I have seen referred to recently not by name, but as “a Starbucks-produced film.” Which it was, but whatever, hello, say the name of the picture, would you? It’s a great film, and it was awesome to be able to take my six-year-old to a film that we both enjoyed, that was inspirational without being sappy, and that starred people who weren’t white.

Good God, was that so much to ask of Hollywood? Hollywood, what the hell is your problem? You know I dislike Tom Cruise, Hollywood.

Thank you. And now, a few spelling words… starting with…

“C-R-O-Q-U-I-G-N-O-L-E: Croquignole. (Fr.) A hair waving thingy.” (Sorry, that’s what I wrote down.)

(more…)

Calling all bloggers:

D. Challener Roe is looking for the help of bloggers to post tributes — five years after — to those we lost on Sept. 11, 2001.

(more…)

Miss Zoot rules my blogger universe. Well, you knew that already, prolly. But her column today (“Whatever Works”) just gave me a good kick. And I mean that as a compliment.

Also, Rockstar Mommy’s baby is learning to walk.

And Amalah? Settling in to stay-at-home-motherhood quite nicely.

Off computer now to do dishes and play with kid. Not in that order.

Wacky Girl, Wacky Boy and I are all grouchy. Thanks for asking! I mean — like ready to smack each other grouchy. I. Hate. The. End. Of. The. School Year. So there.

WB: “No, no, NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!”

WG: “I did not say that was OK! I did NOT!”

Me, to Hockey God: “No, I am not as excited about the Stanley Cup as you are.”

HG: “What is wrong with you guys?”

Wacky Cats: “Meooooooow, hissssssssssssssssssss!”

Wacky Dog: “Bowooooooooooooo…” (bayful mourn)

Thus I have come up with the 20 Top Ways the Wackies are Planning to Have Fun This Summer:

(more…)

“With a rubber duck, one’s never alone.”

— “The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy”

Shelley, for Planet Nomad Mom. This is one of my favorites, too. Especially:

“We look before and after,
And pine for what is not:
Our sincerest laughter
With some pain is fraught;
Our sweetest songs are those that tell of saddest thought.”

Happy Memorial Day, everyone. Don’t forget to light your candles.

WM

(Click on “read more” to see entire poem.)

(more…)

Wacky Girl and I went to see Akeelah and the Bee and it made us so happy. Go see it. Except I’m thinking, my kids are really not going to want to go to the movies with me once they hit those teen years, cuz I am big sucker crybaby at the movies. (They probably wouldn’t want to anyway, but they especially won’t cuz who wants to sit with sobbing mom?) Sad, happy, romantic, overwrought, Civil War epics, cartoons, doesn’t matter. Is she going to win? WHAT IF SHE DOESN’T WIN??? WHAT IF THE OTHER KID WINS THE SPELLING BEE? etc.

WHAT IF E.T. DIES?

WHAT IF AT THE END OF “AN OFFICER AND A GENTLEMAN” HE DUMPS HER? No, it’s okay, there he is, carrying her out of the factory, everyone’s cheering, whew that was close.

Sucker crybaby, I told you.

We had to play Scrabble after dinner; guess who won?

Today would have been my Dad-o’s 64th birthday. (He has been gone since I was 9. Too long. And the years just keep flowing along, and him being here seems like a dream from a million years ago.)

I used to get pretty freaked out on and around the day of his death. Plus, it was in April. And April? Worse frickin’ month in Oregon, even under the best of circumstances. It is wet and gray here in April. “April is the cruellest month,” yeah no kidding. Highest suicide rates, supposedly, are March, April & May.

(more…)