“We can only be said to be alive in those moments when our hearts are conscious of our treasures.”

— Thornton Wilder

From Hockey God:

Greens and Spuds

* Heat oil in pan

* Add 1 T black mustard seed, cook until they start snapping

* Add 1/2 T turmeric, salt and pepper, onions and garlic, saute

* Dice potatoes and rinse, add to saute

* Dice greens (we like collard best, but others are fine, too), add to saute with water to prevent sticking and to make a little sauce

* Cook until greens and spuds are tender (20-30 minutes), adding water as necessary

* Add dash of lemon or lime juice and coriander (about 1 T), cook for another 5 minutes

* Garnish with fresh chopped cilantro and serve over rice

* Serve with love

From CNN: “The Tom Cruise birthing seminar: ‘A fun game of learning,’ says actor”

Here you go. Would really, really love to do an episiotomy on this fuckhead.

On another note: The Easter Bunny came by — we’re all having chocolate hangovers now. Wacky Girl made signs that said “This way” with arrows drawn below, and posted them around the house, pointing to the baskets on the table.

Wacky Boy was serenading us last night: “What are you doing/to make me haaaaaaaapy?” OMG. Uh, devoting my life to you?

Dear Wacky Mommy,

Okay, I am so effing bored at work that it may just kill me. There are only so many interesting blogs, and frankly I get to feeling guilty after a few hours of internet surfing. What’s a girl to do when her job just does not keep her entertained?

Signed,

Slacker Girl

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Ha! Hockey God is killing me. Check out his Rules for Ex-Girlfriends.

And, because I am able to post about dorks, menus, and my husband’s ex’s on the same day, here’s a good easy soup…

Squash Soup

1 large or 2 medium orange or yellow squash
1 large red onion
garlic cloves (as many as you can handle; I usually go for six)
1 quart vegetable broth
1 tsp. rosemary
1/2 tsp. salt
ground pepper, to taste

Bake squash, let cool, scoop out and puree with vegetable broth in small batches in blender. Add water or more broth as needed.

Saute onion and garlic in a big stockpot, add squash and rosemary, salt and pepper. Bring to a boil, then simmer until dinner’s ready. Serve plain, or with sour cream, plain yogurt or cottage cheese and croutons.

Bon appetit, Mamas!

Because I know you want to know more about whale dorks.

My Wacky Naked Neighbor asked me the other day, “Does dork really mean penis?” So I gave her an example, from my old friend M (why won’t I use names? Shit if I know. Like he’d care): “Remember that time I got drunk and started piercing everything? I even pierced my dork.” Heh heh heh. He later married a sweet, pretty and extremely wealthy girl and ran off to Hawaii, so obviously it didn’t hold him back in life.

WNN called her male teacher a dork, in front of the other students. Oops-la.

Oh cheese and rice, Amalah tagged me. Just because she hasn’t slept in like, a week or something, and is now doing whimsical things she would not ordinarily do.

It apparently started here. Well, I have been drunk and on In-Law Time for the last week and totally out of my groove. Have you gotten any advice here? Have you received any recipes? No, no, no. Have we discussed how my Wacky Cousin is getting grief for deciding to not cut her son’s penis? Yeah, she’s having A BOY!!!! And his dork is no one’s business, okay? So forget all your pro-circumcision arguments cuz she does not care (“What about when he’s comparing his dork with other boys’ dorks! His will look different! Or theirs might! Or what if he’s friends with all Jews! They could be offended!” etc. to fucking infinity.)

And have I even discussed this here yet? No, because I have been drunk, as I said. Wacky Mommy, Drunk and Knitting.

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Another one from George Carlin:

“I have as much authority as the Pope, I just don’t have as many people who believe it.”

Quote of the Day, from George Carlin:

“Here’s all you have to know about men and women: Women are crazy, men are stupid. And the main reason women are crazy is that men are stupid.”

I’d like to amend that to: Women are evil, men are stupid. And the main reason women are evil is that men are stupid.

Case in point: Tom Cruise. On the cover of Parade mag today, TC asks, “Who’s to say what’s normal?”

I am. You’re not.

Love,

WM

PS — Sorry no advice column and recipes last week — outlaws just left. I’m ready for a liver transplant, per usual. My MIL and I have redesigned my yard (in our heads, as to not interfere with our indoor cocktail hour) to include lots of reds, oranges and yellows. Enough with the pastels. WM back to normal this week. Yes, normal. Run, Katie, Run.

Did you wonder when I was going to post again? All of my bookmarks and shortcuts, including the one I use to post new entries, mysteriously were deleted from my computer. I Am Computer Genius and it took me three days to figure it out. Actually, I never figured it out, Wacky Dee saved my ass. Again. He is my Zoot.

So, how you doin’? I heard Joey and his wife split up. What the hell is wrong with these movie stars? Fucking be nice to your wives, OK? Tom Cruise. Brad Pitt (too late for you, I’m thinking. Maybe you’ll be nicer to Angelina?). Matt LeBlanc. Yes, I’m talking to you.

Also, on a separate note, Wacky Grandma and the kids built a Redneck Gingerbread House for Joy, Earl, Darnell and the crowd to move into, but the dog ate it. It looked like this, only better. She parked a tiny Matchbox truck in front, filled with bitty green plastic bags full of trash, and put a satellite dish, made out of a washer and a twist-tie, on the roof. Dammit, I wish I would have taken a picture when I was thinking of it.

See what you haven’t been missing? In-laws are here, must motor.