my husband: Don’t get out of bed.
me: I’m late to work. Gotta go, Spocky.
coffee lady: “Nice to see ya!”
me: “Nice to see you, too. How’s your art?”
coffee lady: “Great!!!!”
me, on the phone with Zip: “Did I wake you? Oh, I forgot. You don’t sleep, either.”
Zip: “I do. I sleep every morning from 5 til 6:30.”
me: “I sleep from 4:30 til 6.”
Zip: “Well, there ya go then.”
* re: That Woman on Welfare and Her 14 Kids… me: “She had 6 at once and then 8 at once?” my co-worker, “Uh, no. But they were all in vitro.” me: “???” my other co-worker, “Huh. Yeah, I thought it was two pregnancies, 14 kids all together.” All of us, in unison, “What was that fertility doctor thinking?”
* me, on my way to cafeteria duty: “LEAVING FOR DUTY NOW, BYE.”
* my co-worker, not looking up from her computer: “I hope no one pukes on your shoes.”
Why am I writing about work?
My grandma? She is still in the hospital. My mom? She is handling it okay, but it’s her mom, y’know? We love our moms, even when they are wacky. Here’s the funniest things my grandma ever says…
She just thinks she’s something, Miss Tits.
Who do you think you are? Little Miss Astor Butt?
(My sister: “Huh?” My great-uncle: “She means ‘Little Miss Astor,’ she just puts the ‘Butt’ in there for fun.” me: “Heh heh heh heh heh.”)
me, to our painter and his wife, who I ran into at the restaurant: “So, this your girlfriend?”
him: “Yeah. I mean NO, it’s my wife!”
me, to his wife: “That would have been awkward, huh? If you were his girlfriend? I mean, that would have put me in an awkward position and all.”
his wife: “Heh heh heh heh.”
me: “Will you come paint my upstairs bathroom? I hate it.”
him: “Sure thing.”
I love our painter.
My girlfriend, just now on the phone: “You and Steve are good, all renegade like this. Just go renegade all the time.”
me: “I don’t think I know how to do it any other way.”
it’s been two years since we lost our dear, crazy dog. i still am yearning to get another pup. we will not get a pup. we would love to be dog people but we are just not dog people, i am sorry to say.
we’re not really cat people, either. or fish people. or guinea pig people. we are people-people.
People who need people/
are the luckiest people/
in the world…”
– B. Streisand
i need people, people. i need my internet people, my librarian people, my family people, my friend people and my Nekkid Neighbor people.
i need my grandma, people. I need my friend S, people. Cuz when she’s goofy from pain pills (she messed up her arm) well. She’s always funny, but she’s extra-funny on the “happy pills.”
today started out ok, even though my husband refused to watch this YouTube video with me:
that’s right. sometimes you need to start off the weekend with a little Tony Manero.
“Hey, you guys do layaway? Put me down for five dollars for that blue shirt in the window. Hold it for me.”
– T. Manero
we went to the eye doctor’s, where I was informed i need bifocals. excuse me — “progressives” — and that they may make me want to throw up while i’m getting used to wearing them. middle-age is so cool, i am loving it. i am gobbling it up.
out to pizza schmizza for lunch, then home, where I received a call from my aunt, chipper and over-animated, “Hi kid, how are ya?” me, hesitantly, “Good…” (thinking, “someone died…”) “…and you?”
“Good! Say, Grandma broke her hip.”
i love my grandma. she is under sedation and in the hospital.
as do happy-perky phone calls that carry loaded news right smack-dab in the middle.
say prayers and light candles for my granny, would you? She turns 89 in July. She shouldn’t have been walking in the store, by herself, that is no good. You know what she says when I call her? “Yeah, I’m a little tired. I was out late at the clubs again. You know.” She fractures me. There should be no fractured or broken hips in this post, just my grandma cracking me up because she is funny girl, my granny.
Candles and prayers or good thoughts or whatever you do would be nice. Thank you.
OK, you know how last Valentine’s Day differs from this Valentine’s Day?
Last year my son wasn’t counting his candy.
My awesome sister picked up the kids from aftercare, then our awesome babysitter (note to self: find new word for “awesome”) swooped in and this meant… I got to run errands… (“Got to.” Only a busy mom would say “got to” run errands with a “whew” thrown in there… yes! errands! woo-hoo!) to the pharmacy and the library and then?
Dinner out with my husband.
Hmm. I think we just got to celebrate Valentine’s, a little late. (We couldn’t celebrate last weekend, 3 out of 4 of us were sick.)
Look for lists of resources; tips and suggestions; ideas for elementary, middle and high school students; notable dates; quotes and much more. Great book, great resource.
I am late on this review and my apologies, but it has been a busy fall and winter for this first year (non) teacher. (I am classified at this point, not certified to teach.) I received this 2008/2009 edition of this date book last fall, but I see on their website that they are planning on releasing a 2009-2010 edition, so send ‘em some business, those of you in the field. (Also would make a great gift for Teacher Appreciation Week, hint hint.)
Answer these questions, USING ONLY ONE WORD! Copy and change the answers to suit you and pass it on. Itâ€™s really hard to only use one word answers. Be sure to link to the person you received it from! (That would be Nan.)
1. Where is your cell phone? Purse
2. Your significant other? Here
3. Your hair? Curlyhead
4. Your mother? Cute
5. Your father? 6’4″
6. Your favorite song? Bach
7. Your dream last night? Landscaping
8. Your favorite drink? Mojito
9. Your dream/goal? Libraries
10. What room you are in? Office
11. Your hobby? Bloggin’
12. Your fear? Flu
13. Where do you want to be in 6 years? Bliss
14. Where were you last night? Bliss
15. Something that you arenâ€™t? Insincere
16. Muffins? Chocolate
17. Wish list item? Trip
18. Where you grew up? Portland
19. Last thing you did? Read
20. What are you wearing? Flannel
21. Your TV? On
22. Your pets? Furry
23. Friends? Smart
24. Your life? Good
25. Your mood? Smiley
26. Missing someone? Always
27. Car? Dented
28. Something youâ€™re not wearing? Socks
29. Your favorite store? Target
30. Your favorite color? Green
33. When is the last time you laughed? Now
34. Last time you cried? Huh?
35. Who will resend this? Dunno
36. Favorite vacation? Lisbon
37. One person who emails me regularly? Sis
38. My favorite place to eat? Home